


Relative Concerns

by ImaMePanda



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Cousins Buck and Ezra, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, Insecurity, Kid Fic, Little Ezra, Parent-Child Relationship, Unconventional Families, Young Ezra, old west au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaMePanda/pseuds/ImaMePanda
Summary: The first eight months that Ezra had stayed with Cousin Buck in Four Corners had gone surprisingly well. Oh, there had been the incident with the peddler and an affair involving a certain bowler hat that had raised a bit of a fuss, but no grudges had been held. Funny, how quickly a few words could change your perception.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

“C’mon, Ezra, time to wake up,” Buck cajoled for the third time, tempted to stick a cold hand on the back of the thirteen year old’s neck. The teen groaned as he shoved his head further under his pillow. “Miss Virginia’s not gonna have any breakfast left to serve ya if you don’t get up.” Buck laughed as Ezra loosed a hand from under the covers long enough to try and wave him away, before immediately reburying it in the folds of his quilt. Least he’d quit throwing stuff off his bedside table a couple months ago, but it seemed whatever time his cousin got to bed he was a grumpy Gus in the morning.

Of course, the dozen or so times he’d caught him lighting his lamp to read when he was supposed to be asleep probably didn’t help that any. “Now, I ain’t going away, it’s after nine already and the sun is shining, pretty girls are in the street, card tricks to be done, and you’re gonna miss it all if you don’t get that lazy butt up.” He tugged the quilt down, Ezra showing more life than he had all morning, almost growling as he tried to pull it back up or at least keep it where it was as Buck tugged again, chuckling at the probably not very polite mumbles drifting up from the boy’s buried head.

“I’ve got some water in my jug,” JD teased, sticking his head around the door. The mumbles got louder.

“You’ve got somewhere you’re supposed to be,” Buck informed him dryly as he looked over, “Vin’s probably getting hungry and those prisoners ain’t gonna watch themselves.” Ezra used the distraction to get a good grip on the blanket and yank it away from Buck, tucking the ends around himself, head included, like a cocoon. Guffawing a little at the quick move, he shook his head, “No you don’t, pard.” Not willing to keep playing this game all morning, amusing as it could be, Buck grabbed the end of the quilt, and, even though he swore Ezra was trying to grip it with his toes, got it out and peeled it upwards, so that Ezra was uncovered and only the bit of blanket he had tucked under his head and was fiercely holding onto was still touching him. JD cackled from the doorway and Ezra’s eyes cracked open long enough to glare at the room in general before slamming shut. Laughing again, Buck shook his head, “I swear, boy, you are just about the laziest sun of a gun I’ve ever met.”

*.*.*.*.*

Yawning over his plate of biscuits and gravy, Ezra supposed that this might have been food worth getting up for. Miss Virginia served simpler fare than Miss Inez at the saloon, and while her biscuits weren’t quite as fluffy or flaky as the bar manager’s, the gravy was perfect, thick, but not lumpy or too salty and had plenty of sausage. Slicing delicately into one gravy drenched biscuit, he allowed himself a small hum of appreciation as he brought the bite to his lips. Perhaps not quite perfection, but close enough that few would argue.

Ezra was vaguely aware as he swallowed another yawn-they were so undignified-that Vin was joining him at his table, had only just started to nod a bleary hello when the man’s hands flashed over his plate and a choice bit of gravy soaked biscuit and a crumble of sausage were quickly plopped into the tracker’s mouth. Ezra squawked in outrage, drawing his plate closer and placing a protective arm around it. The tracker might go for a whole biscuit next, he’d lost entire servings of bacon before. “Mistah Tannah, kindly keep your appendages away from mah breakfast!” His frown became even more pronounced when he saw that Vin had a plate of the same breakfast settled before him and he dropped his gaze down to it pointedly, then looked back up at his companion with exasperation all but dripping from his pores, “Particularly as you have your own meal directly in front of you.”

Vin, now busy carving into his own pile of biscuits, grinned and shrugged. “JD took so long getting t' the jail there weren’t nearly enough gravy left.” If that were remotely true, Ezra thought it was only because of the mountain of biscuits he’d piled on his plate, eyes fixing in disbelief on the dripping mound.

“Perhaps if you didn’t require enough sustenance to feed a small city such problems wouldn’t plague you.” Vin just laughed, ruffling Ezra’s hair before he could duck away and earning another scowl as the boy briefly quit guarding his plate to try and push it back into place. Luckily, Vin was busy digging into his own breakfast now and left Ezra’s alone.

“So,” Vin said a few minutes later, a sizable portion of his plate gone and Ezra finishing the last of his, “day after tomorrow I got a free day. Figured we could try some more tracking if you want, maybe set up a camp and show you a bit about finding your way with the stars.” Ezra perked up with interest at this, while camping out would not ordinarily be something he chose, Vin’s knowledge of how to navigate in the wilderness was unsurpassed. Navigating by the stars would be infinitely useful for any number of situations.

That Mr. Tanner was choosing to spend his free time with Ezra was also highly flattering, and if Ezra were honest he’d have to admit that it was more than just Miss Virginia’s fine cooking warming his insides.

“That sounds very agreeable, though Ah will have to acquire permission from mah cousin. Thank you for the invitation.” Ezra smiled happily as Vin chuckled at him.

“‘Course, Ez. Told ya we’d go again.”

*.*.*.*.*.*

“I’m telling you both, it isn't just that, there’s something I don’t like about that young one. Don’t trust his smile.” Ears perking up as he heard the familiar voices below, a book was laid aside as Ezra briefly considered dropping his head down to ‘surprise’ his cousin.

When he realized just what he’d heard, he froze. Surely...

“Aw, you’re being too hard on the kid, Nate. Boy’s a little wild, but I don’t think there’s anything really wrong with him.” Buck Wilmington’s distinctive voice sounded equally parts lazy and contemplative as he answered. Not at all, Ezra observed, offended.

Nathan grunted, “I didn’t mean it like that. Still, can’t say I’d be too sorry to see the back of that youngin’, after all the trouble he’s caused.”

An uncommitting grunt was his answer, then, “It’d make things simpler, that’s for sure.”

“That seems mighty uncharitable to me,” the preacher rumbled disapprovingly, “what the boy needs is guidance. Firm guidance.”

“Hell, preacher,” an amused laugh, “After that trick he pulled with your laundry I wouldn’t think you’d be feeling any too charitable yourself.” Silently, heart in his throat, the boy who only a few minutes previously had been sunning himself, carefree, on the small curve of the hardware store’s wooden awning that hid him from view, slipped backwards.

It was just like always. For all he’d thought he found someplace different. Disappearing over the rooftop, Ezra scoffed that he had ever allowed himself to believe any such foolishness.

*.*.*.*.*

Stretching as he leaned himself against the hitching rail, Buck shrugged, “No, gotta figure Ez’d miss the kid like crazy. And Eli seems more like he just don’t think, really-ain’t got the mean streak Conklin’s harvesting in his boy. Probably what happened with those stories he told the Pritchard girl, Nate, doubt he meant to scare the little one like that.” Nathan's mouth quirked noncommittally, clearly not all the way convinced. “Now, if the Widow Raley’d actually scold the kid when he pulled something, instead of just insisting it must’ve been an accident, every damn time, that I wouldn’t mind.”

Nathan chuckled quietly, and a hint of teasing in his voice, said, “You’d think if anybody was up for the job of convincing her, it’d be you.”

“Ya know, you might be onto something there, Nathan…”

*.*.*.*.*

The dust stirred lazily in the air over the rutted street. The sun shone down on the graying buildings, the bullet holes in the wooden awning above the restaurant letting little arcs of light dart through into the shadows below. Farther away, racing into one of the back alleys, a flash of Billy's blond hair could be seen as he hollered after his escaping pup.

None of it was Ezra's. He could walk the street until he memorized every inch, but that remained the same.

Even in the 'new' blue jacket and waistcoat Mrs. Potter had helped him to acquire, Ezra felt his heart continue to sink down somewhere in the vicinity of his toes. He hadn’t wanted to believe what he heard, didn’t want to believe it, but the words kept repeating themselves in his ears.

‘Wouldn’t mind seeing the back of him.’

‘Make things simpler, that’s for sure.’

Swallowing valiantly, Ezra found his fingers playing with the ‘real gold look’ buttons on the front of his coat as he passed the mercantile, it taking a moment for him to force his lingering digits back to his sides where they belonged. At first the shopkeeper had been surprised, even suspicious, when a boy only a year her son's senior had come in with the allowance Mother sent him semi-regularly 'burning a hole right through that trouser pocket' as Buck had teased. She had quickly come to appreciate her frequent customer, even to the point of sometimes acquiring items in trade that, with her practiced merchant's eye, she believed to suit him. No more. Soon, Ezra and his new jacket would be gone, put on a stage he supposed, though in what direction or to which relative he did not know.

They no longer wished for him to remain in their fair town. No longer would it be h-

He cut the thought off hard, tipping his hat to Mr. Conklin as the man hurried past. The cantankerous old man ignored him, but Ezra hadn't expected anything different, and rather hoped that his politeness had annoyed him. Stopping briefly on the boardwalk, he looked ahead at the livery and the clinic above. When mother had first sent him to stay here with cousin Buck, Mr. Jackson had seemed to disapprove of everything Ezra did wholeheartedly. Yet, it had been him who had noticed that Conklin, disapproving of a 'popinjay child gambler' being among his son's associates, would go out of his way to criticize and snub him. Though the information had not been truly new to him, when the man had pulled him aside to tell him that he'd found Conklin a problem himself and that the best way to handle him was simply to kill him with kindness-react as though you assumed he meant the very best with his words, and whatever you did don't give him the satisfaction of losing your temper-it had still been appreciated.

Somehow, though, Ezra didn't think it had solely been his attempt to follow Mr. Jackson's advice that had had Mr. Conklin keeping his distance recently. He'd seen the way the merchant shied away, changed direction when he saw the peacekeepers, particularly Buck and Nathan, in the vicinity.

Yet, now...swallowing and setting one foot in front of the other, Ezra started down the boardwalk again, making sure that he was looking around idly as he often did when taking strolls around the town. Buck would tease him that he was practicing for joining them as a peacekeeper when he was old enough, and Ezra would scoff and tell him that he would be off making his fortune in London or Paris, not chasing down bank robbers, thank you kindly. He passed under the clinic's stairs and the smell of hay, manure, and horseflesh coming out of the livery. The familiar nicker, Chaucer calling out to him, was ignored. Ezra was never going to be able to actually acquire the horse now, and supposed the money he'd sunk into him was lost. Chaucer whinnied, the horse that Vin insisted he was spoiling not used to his boy walking by without stopping, and Ezra felt briefly as though he'd been jabbed in the stomach.

He'd heard the words directly, heard them from the source's lips, and all there was to do now was wait. Not too long ago the opportunity to return to a city, to his mother, to anywhere but this dried up dust bowl as it croaked out its seemingly last few breaths of life would have seemed a release from torture and mind numbing boredom.

He didn’t need Buck, or JD, or any of them. Ezra had been his own primary caretaker for years. He wouldn’t lie to himself that he would miss this dingy little nothing of a town. That he would miss them.

It was so much easier not to.

Ezra lengthened his strides as he reached the end of the boardwalk, eyes glancing only once over to the other side of the street and the church. To ensure no one was watching only, he asserted to himself. That was all. As a matter of course, Ezra was expected to let one of the peacekeepers know if he was leaving Four Corners borders, yet he was simply unable to face any of them, not after what he had heard. In the light of his revelation it seemed quite unlikely that they would be bothered.

Ezra wanted to be angry, to be furious, but Mother had taught him to recognize patterns at an early age. The one common factor in the variety of homes he'd been shoved in and yanked out of was him.

The matter was, entirely and completely, his own fault. In the end, it always was.


	2. Chapter 2

Josiah listened, slightly amused, as Nathan returned to his favorite topic for the day. The only difference was this time he was starting his rant in the church, reminded by the sight of the window he supposed. “It just ain't right, that boy running around doing whatever he wants, not giving any mind to who he hurts or is dragging along with him.”

Not looking up from his task of coating the pews with a new layer of linseed oil-he never could seem to get the roof to quit leaking, one section would be done and the next would start, and figured it was best to protect what he could in the meantime-Josiah grunted thoughtfully, then commented, “Wasn't too many months ago you had a similar opinion of Ezra.”

The offense thick in his voice, despite the complete honesty of what Josiah had just said, Nathan sputtered out, “That ain't true!” Josiah's skeptical glance, one eyebrow raising, got an insistent, “It ain't. Didn't like a lot of how he acted, still don't sometimes. But Ezra ain't the type to be cruel just because he can. Tricky, sneaky even, but not mean. Everyone knows it was the Raley boy who chased off Lyle Binkley’s pet rooster. Only thing that crazy old man had, and even if the boy didn’t know, being that mean to a dumb creature ain’t right.” Nathan snorted a little, shaking his head, “Don't get me wrong, I know Ezra ain’t no saint. Boy’s pulled his share of tricks and schemes. I still ain't sure that traveling peddler was lying when he said the boy swindled him, either, but the man had gold buttons on his jacket, ain't like he was hurtin'.”

Climbing down to his knees in order to give the underside of the pew its share of the waterproofing, Josiah had to admit he honestly wasn't sure if Ezra had 'swindled' the salesman or not, either, though the man’s litany had been loud enough once he’d gone through half a bottle of Inez’s worst. Certainly, he had convinced the man to part with a variety of goods for less money than expected, but, though he wouldn't say it to Nathan, he'd rather wondered if blackmail were involved somewhere. Josiah had had a good look at the man's face when Ezra had approached him, and for just a second there had been recognition before the boy had oh so innocently requested to know what goods he had for sale. It had seemed clear that something was going on when the boy hadn't had to do much negotiating to get the man to practically give away what he had wanted. Questioning had been met with a far too guileless stare and an injured query of whether he thought Ezra's bartering skills had not been up to such a task. Then the boy had seized on a brief moment of distraction to break away and the next time Josiah had seen him he'd been handing out his likely ill-gotten gains; a rubber ball to Billy, a puzzle to the twins, a new dime book for JD...consternation and possibly ill-placed pride had filled him then, and-

“Josiah? Are you even listening to me?”

Hearing Nathan’s frustration had Josiah shaking himself out of his thoughts apologetically. Looking up at the man who was equally busy with a can of linseed oil he offered a sheepish smile, “‘Fraid I got a bit distracted there, brother. Always wondered how our silver tongued little entrepreneur pulled that one off.” Not able to help the rueful snort, Josiah continued, “I watched him do it and I’m still not sure I understand.”

Frowning, Nathan shook his head, “Ain’t sure I want to know. But he’s been doing good, mostly,” Josiah could see as the memories of the times that he’d been farther away from ‘mostly’ than not crossed Nathan’s mind, the man amending his statement with, “trying, anyway. But that Raley kid-hell, half the time I think he is doing just whatever pops into his head, like Buck said this morning, other times I’m pretty sure that he’s pushing to see if he can come up with something Ezra won’t do. Was bad enough when it was just stupid stuff-don’t care how good either of them is at walking fences, scared the heck out of me to ride up and see Ezra on that seven foot thing widow Harris had her boys build around her vegetable garden.” Subsiding a little, Nathan muttered, “Don’t know where all these deer she’s worrying about are, in the desert,” then shook his head. Josiah smirked, knowing Nathan had been both scared and livid, and had considered that fence a potential enemy ever since, whatever he said. Though, he was fairly certain it was closer to five or six feet at the most than seven.

“The stakes do seem to be rising in the game of one upmanship they’re playing.” Remembering the boys’ last escapade, Josiah shook his head, jaw setting slightly. It had been bad enough for the disruption of the service and the chaos those boys had caused. The symbolism of them releasing snakes in his church had been more than grating, particularly with the way certain members of the town had reacted.

As though a boy had to be ‘devil possessed’ to play a trick. Not that Ezra on his own, let alone with a more than willing partner, couldn’t be a lot more creative than most boys. Not that Josiah hadn’t been itching to tan his hide when slithering serpents in various shades had come pouring in from a window on either side of the church and, already knowing, but needing proof-the boy would make one fine lawyer-he had craned his head in time to get a glimpse of that week’s favorite jacket, wine colored, disappearing.

“Now, I know those were all garter snakes same as you, Josiah. But it don’t change the fact that with people panicking and running every which way-”

“Miss Clara Bell shouting about the devil coming to get her,” Josiah had to interrupt, still not sure if he was more amused or annoyed that it had been one of the more dignified, and he’d thought sensible, townspeople who’d helped stir the panic.

“Somebody could’ve gotten hurt, pretty sure there was more than one bruised foot the way people were stomping around trying to get out.” Nathan was coating the top of his pew with slightly more enthusiasm than necessary, and taking a moment to stretch his cramping back, Josiah regarded his friend with a keen eye. “It ain’t right doing something like that in a church anyway, ain’t right at all.”

His lips lifting wryly against his better judgment, Josiah thought that Nathan at times took the idea of the church as a sacred place more seriously than he did. Of course, living in a building made a man familiar with it. “Now, Nathan, the rod wasn’t spared in that circumstance, and I’d think that you would keep that in mind. The young sinner has repented and should be forgiven.”

“Ezra was, not that brat.” Ah. Josiah felt as though his mind was suddenly a little lighter. Though he probably should discourage Nathan from such anger towards a boy of fourteen, the solidness he heard in Nathan’s voice that he had forgiven Ezra settled something in him.

“I don't believe his mother's failure to bring him to task can really be considered the boy's fault, do you?” His quiet question seemed to throw Nathan for a minute, the man pausing with his brush in mid stroke as he thought.

“No,” Nathan said quietly, and just a bit shamefacedly, “He's just a boy and it ain't right that no one's trying to teach him better.” Then he rallied, “But that doesn't mean him dragging Ezra into trouble isn't a problem and you know it, Josiah.”

That couldn't be argued with either, though Josiah didn't think Eli was likely to be the only one doing the dragging, or that Ezra wasn't sometimes leaping forward headfirst at the other boy's suggestions. “I wonder if Widow Raley might say the same thing.” Nathan scowled at that, his expression tight, but he didn't argue, instead turning back to the pew he was finishing. Josiah sighed a little to himself, but did the same. Nathan was stubborn, sometimes to a fault, but he was also a compassionate man. A little time, a little thought, and Josiah figured he'd come around some.

*.*.*.*.*

Buck Wilmington strolled down the street, sun streaming down on his head, keeping an eye out for either of his two charges. He grinned, imagining JD’s reaction to being lumped in with Ezra at nineteen-’nearly twenty, Buck!’ Might have to find an excuse to say it just to see him glaring and griping. He paused to dip his hat to Miss Caroline, grinning wider and following after her with his eyes as she twirled her pretty parasol and trilled a sweet sounding good afternoon to his hello.

Continuing up the boardwalk, Buck saw Chris sitting, half slumped in a chair in front of the saloon. Making his way towards his oldest friend, the rogue wondered how many people would make the mistake of assuming the man was as relaxed and unwatchful as he looked. Buck knew Chris had an eye on everyone within eyesight, for all the man didn’t do more than barely nod his head when Buck came to a stop, leaning himself up against the hitching rail and nodding back at Chris. “Hey, Pard. You seen either of the boys around?” Chris shook his head lazily.

“Nope. Why?” Lazy as his words had been, one eye was focusing on Buck, ready to move if there was reason for it.

“‘Cause I’ve gone half a day without one of them interrupting me talking with a lady or getting into some kind of scrape. Ain’t natural.”

Chris snorted softly, though his soft, “Talking?” showed it was more at Buck than either JD or Ezra’s penchant for getting into trouble.

“Gotta be some talking first, Pard, the ladies like that, you know.” That got him a flash of a grin, and ordinarily Buck would have settled in for a while, enjoying the quiet company. But while JD could mostly take care of himself, however Buck liked to tease him, he got a bit twitchy when Hoss was out of sight for more than a few hours.

And wasn’t that something? Somehow, Buck Wilmington, ladies man and confirmed bachelor, had found himself raising a boy. Keeping JD from getting himself killed and making sure the kid learned the ropes for the last couple of years wasn’t quite the same as looking after a boy of thirteen. ‘Course he’d had a lot of help, from the preacher especially, but once old Chris had figured out Buck was gonna keep him he’d been keeping an eye out too. Ezra couldn’t seem to decide whether he was in awe of the gunslinger or intimidated by him, and, as little did seem to awe or intimidate the cocksure youngster, it could be amusing to watch.

“Well, you see Ezra let him know I’m looking for him.”

Buck pushed himself up, but before he got more than a step away from Chris the man said, “Think he’s been for his lunch yet?” Grinning and reaching out to lightly slap Chris on the shoulder, Buck thought that was a mighty fine idea.

“Bet you he’s at Miss Virginia’s now, tucking into something good.” Buck’s own neglected stomach gave a rumble, and while he’d been planning on a plate of Inez’s enchiladas, a big serving of the shepherd’s pie Miss Virginia made on Wednesdays didn’t sound half bad. Course, Ezra preferred to get his meals in the saloon or the restaurant when he could, but Chris would’ve seen him if he’d gone into either building. Not that he was supposed to be in the saloon without one of them, but, the thought bringing a wry grin he was glad the kid wasn’t there to see, Hoss wasn’t much of one for doing what he was supposed to. Setting off again, the desert grit scraping between the boardwalk and his boots as he walked, Buck plunged his hands into his pockets and wondered what he might do with the rest of his afternoon. He’d already done his patrol, and he had a date with Miss Millie to look forward to later. Might see if Ezra wanted to get up to a little fishing, maybe take a ride, JD too if he wasn’t off somewhere with Casey.

Only, Ezra wasn’t at the boarding house when he got there, Miss Virginia saying she hadn’t seen the boy since that morning. Buck wasn’t worried enough yet to not get himself a plate of food and sit for awhile, but he was starting to wonder if anybody had seen the boy since around breakfast. Lord alone knew what he was up to. Still, no point in getting het up about it until he knew he had reason for it...and that sweet Miss Dora who’d gotten off the stage was smiling at him, and only going to be in town for another day…

Making his way over with his tray, Buck hardly had to ask if he could sit down before Miss Dora was blushing and sliding back her tray to make room.

*.*.*.*.*

Ezra, allowing himself a show of sullenness that never would have been acceptable to show in town, unless perhaps it were aimed at achieving some item or goal, kicked angrily at the sandy colored clumps of earth that dotted the trail, turned up by equine and human traffic. He’d even gone so far as to jam his hands in his pockets, presenting a figure that would have given his mother fits, though he avoided the indignity of slouching.

It was a fine day for the beginning of fall, sunny and bright, with none of the looming threat of sudden rain storms he’d been assured would occur as the end of September set in. He wondered where his resting place would be by then. Mother would be unreachable, the allowance she sent him having come from a different location every time, and none of her missives containing a forwarding address. Cousin Buck was an actual relative, but fairly distantly. The only living relation besides Mother that Ezra knew they shared was Cousin Miriam, whose wrinkled visage had made her appear at least 100 the one time he had seen her, several years before. He kicked at a dirt clod hard enough to send it sailing down the pathway, exploding in a cloud of dust and dirt chunks as it landed, a scowl growing on his face as the knot in his stomach continued to tighten. There were no orphanages nearby that he was aware of, but he supposed there was nothing that would prevent Buck from placing him on the stage in the direction of the nearest one. Ezra swallowed hard.

He wouldn’t go. Whether it was to Cousin Miriam or an orphanage, Ezra would simply find a chance to slip away. It wasn’t as though he’d never traveled on his own in the past, and it would allow him the chance to possibly make some lucrative gains before he reunited with Mother.

Hearing the sound of horse hooves from off the side of the trail had Ezra straightening both his stance and his hat, affixing a neutral smile on his face. He kept walking, however, hoping that whoever it was would angle their mount further towards town and come out on the trail behind him, possibly not even noticing his presence.

The impossibility of such luck falling upon him on this dreadful day was something Ezra should have expected, and as the last person he wanted to see appeared over the rise of land just in front of him he allowed the smile to drop right off his face.

“Hi, Ezra!” Eli, grinning with slightly sweaty hair hanging around his hatless head, reigned his bay roan Tucker to a stop on the side of Ezra.

“Hello, Mistah Raley.” He did his best to sound neutral, primarily because he wanted Eli to leave him be, despite the anger he felt building up inside him. He’d told Eli that after the incident with the eggs that he needed to avoid making waves with or causing discontent with the peacekeepers, and yet somehow, not even three weeks later Ezra had found himself participating in unleashing a plague of snakes upon the occupants of Josiah’s church.

“Whatcha doing? Do you wanna go swimming?” Eli patted the energetic Tucker’s neck, “Tuck sure does, don’t ya Tucker?” As the horse snorted in response to hearing his name, Ezra wished very dearly that he’d taken Chaucer for a ride instead of walking.

What had possessed him to simply pass by the horse when he had no idea how much longer he’d be able to enjoy the noble creature’s company? Eli was still grinning at him broadly, simply happy to see him, and, as furious as he was that it was their joint escapades that had apparently been the straw that broke his cousin’s back, he was suddenly aware of just how painful parting from his friend would be.

Eli’s declaration of Ezra as his ‘best friend’ was a so far singular experience in his life, and he had little doubt that it would remain such. Forcing his facade to stay pleasant and relaxed, he declared, “Ah have a solitary pursuit that Ah must confine mahself to this afternoon, Eli. Ah apologize for being unable to join you.” Eli was looking at him in disappointment and curiosity now, and unsure if he would be able to keep his face steady if they maintained eye contact, Ezra switched his view to Tucker’s friendly visage. “Though seeing Tucker play in the water is always delightful.” To his horror Ezra heard his voice break on the last word, and he sincerely wished that the earth would open its maw and swallow him whole.

“Ezra, are you alright?” Eli was leaning back in his saddle, looking as though he may be considering swinging off. That was the last thing Ezra wanted-he was still mad at Eli, for reneging on their plan to merely hide the eggs in unfortunate spots, and instead lobbing one at JD when he was talking to Miss Casey, for having taken Ezra’s joke about unleashing a plague of serpents so seriously that he found himself unable to back down, for the fact that Buck and Josiah and Nathan, _none of them_ , wanted him around now.

“Ah’m fine, Ah must go or Ah’ll not have time.” He moved to step around Tucker, but now Eli was swinging down, feet landing hard enough to stir the desert dust around their legs. Ezra glared at him, vexed that he was blocking his way. He’d informed Eli he was fine, and there was no reason for him to doubt it. _None_.

“Did something happen? If it was Conklin I got something real good we can do to get back at him-he always gets his stuff back from the laundry today, and they just leave it on his back porch.” Eli’s voice was earnest, and he grinned just a bit devilishly at Ezra at the end.

Suddenly lonely, Ezra wished dearly that he could go wreak havoc on the crotchety old humbug’s wash, that he could push away, unhear what he had heard, unlearn what he now knew. But he couldn’t.

Even knowing Cousin Buck no longer wished for him to remain with him, Ezra still had no desire to further disappoint him. “Ah told you Ah can’t socialize with you this afternoon. Ah’m going.” With another glare at a thoroughly confused Eli, who stepped back towards Tucker a little, Ezra started forward again. He was nearly past both the boy and horse when Eli’s hand reached out to land on his shoulder.

“C’mon, Ezra. Tell me.” Jerking his shoulder out from under Eli’s hand, Ezra told himself to maintain his dignity, but it was no good, and he found himself whirling back to confront his friend.

“Fine-soon Ah will no longer be able to socialize with you at all, because my cousin’s opinion of me has dropped so low it resides in the netherworld and Ah will be sent away. And,” Ezra heard his voice start to waver and fought to at least maintain control of that, “it’s all _your_ fault.” Eli’s expression, already gaping, started to crumble, and eyes blurring, knowing he had been cruel and despising himself even more for that that, Ezra turned and ran.


	3. Chapter 3

Nathan turned from his bandage making at the knock on the open clinic doorway, raising an eyebrow in surprise at who he saw there. He leaned back a little in his chair as he appraised the unusually subdued looking Raley boy, getting concerned despite himself when he saw the red eyes. “Did you hurt yourself? Feeling sick?” The boy wasn’t standing like he was hurt, but some people were good at hiding it.

A quiet shake of his head and a, “No, sir,” was his answer and all it did was put Nathan’s senses on higher alert. This reluctant to talk, almost bashful, boy was like nothing he’d seen from him before. Eli shifted in the doorway, opened his mouth like he was going to say something else and then ducked his head instead.

“Is anybody else? Your ma?” Nathan asked seriously. Again, he didn’t really think so, there was no urgency in the boy’s mannerisms, just nervous upset, but he had to ask. Eli shook his head and swallowed. Wondering what in the world he would be at the clinic for then, Nathan just nodded, trying not to frown. If Ezra had been looking at him like that Nathan would’ve thought the boy had gotten into some sort of trouble he didn’t know how to get out of, and, miracle of miracles, was actually asking for help instead of letting it get worse. But he had a hard time imagining Eli coming to him for anything but doctoring in the first place, and couldn’t really believe he was. Wasn't too sure he wanted him to.

Unless it was about Ezra. Cursing in his head, the healer wondered just what the two of them had gotten into this time. Or what that jackass Conklin had said now. Chris should’ve just let Buck punch him.

Looking away as he started gathering up the bandages he’d already cut, Nathan inquired, “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” He slid to his feet at the end of his sentence, the cut bandages going into a small sack to wait to be boiled, the two sheets he hadn’t finished with folded as he waited for Eli’s answer.

“Ezra said, he thinks...” Nathan settled the folded sheets on his desk, and turned his attention entirely to the boy, at first just looking, then encouraging him with a nod. Eli gulped, and then blurted all at once, “Ezra thinks Mr. Wilmington don’t like him anymore and he’s going to send him away!” Nathan felt his mouth drop open, and his stomach knot. What? “He was out close to the swimming hole when he told me. 'Bout an hour ago.” Then he was gone, out the door and down the stairs before Nathan had done more than grab his hat and wonder why he’d come to him and not Buck.

What could’ve happened to make Ezra think that? Thumping down the stairs with his eyes out for the other peacekeepers, Nathan couldn’t imagine. Buck adored the kid, spoiled him even. His search found Chris standing outside the mercantile and Nathan hurried towards him, hoping he knew where Buck was.

*.*.*.*

The tears that had escaped him after the dishonorable way he’d run from Eli long since dried and appearance straightened the best he could, Ezra crossed over the desert landscape. He’d long left any of the official paths that led in and out of Four Corners, but he knew where he was going. Any deficiencies there had been in his skill at finding his own way through the countryside had been corrected by the careful lessons of Mr. Tanner, and he was sure he’d arrive at his chosen destination before too much longer. It was also the tracker's skills that had allowed Ezra to obscure his exit from the common routes.

Mr. Tanner, he thought, remembering the invitation that morning, may have been the only true ally and friend he had left among the peacekeepers.

No, that was unfair to John Daniel, who Ezra imagined would have been been hard pressed to keep his feelings hidden if he had grown as sick of Ezra's presence as his cousin clearly had. Sticking a finger around his collar and peeling the sweat soaked fabric away from his neck to let the skin breath, he considered that perhaps, with JD and Vin's backing, and a halt to those behaviors his cousin and the healer found so offensive-

No. No, such daydreams and fantasies were entirely unhelpful and would not alter his circumstances in the slightest. Sucking in a deep breath, Ezra forced himself to concentrate on his surroundings rather than the turmoil roiling through his mind.

Dirt, mostly. Dry, crumbly, clay filled, and occasionally rocky, dirt. So dry that cracks and ruts of all sizes ran over the surface, scattered here and there in between smooth expanses. There was an occasional sagebrush or tumbleweed, but cacti were far and few between in this area of the desert. Shade, with all the delights it offered was currently nonexistent.

Ezra had never ventured out this far without Chaucer and while the heat of the day had him wishing for the swift journey his mount would’ve provided, it was not yet causing him true discomfort. Still, fanning himself briefly with his hat before placing the protective covering back on his head, he wished sincerely that he had not been so foolish as to leave the town without a canteen. It seemed that every step he ventured stirred up more dust to stick to his sweaty skin and make its way into his dry mouth. His watch informed him he’d been walking for well over an hour now. It seemed as though it had been twice that amount since he left Four Corners.

Foolish, that’s what he had been, impetuous, as Mr. Sanchez had called him more than once, to leave without grabbing at least the basic necessities for desert travel, even if he had not initially been planning to venture this far. Snorting a little, Ezra had to admit that he had not initially been planning anything, merely fleeing from uncomfortable truths.

A variety of foolish decisions, even those that had still seemed quite clever that morning, if perhaps not worthy of revisiting due to the foreseeable consequences, loomed large in his mind now. The ill-fated magic school, that had ended so abruptly when Thomas Markham had paid for his lesson with a dime pilfered from his mother’s purse. Ezra’s protests that it was hardly his duty to determine where his patrons’ money came from had been countered by Buck quietly asking him if he’d known where Thomas’s had.

Ezra swallowed as he recalled the disappointment that had covered the man’s face when he had finally professed that while Thomas had not provided this information to him directly, his sudden ability to cover the nominal fee that had been beyond him before had made the likelihood of the money being purloined quite obvious to him.

Then there had been the time one of mother’s old partners had come through town, in the guise of a peddler. Ezra had seen an opportunity to both let the man know he was aware of him, hopefully dissuading him from whatever intrigue he may have been plotting against the townspeople, and to at least receive some form of payment for his silence. After the man had left Atlanta with Mother’s share of the cut as well as his own it had seemed the least he deserved. Swiping a hand across his forehead to catch the sweat that was steadily sneaking down from his hairline, Ezra grimaced. Deserved or not it had raised more than a few questions, the peacekeepers easily able to see that something untoward was occurring even if they were unsure exactly what.

He had not however, jaw setting mulishly at the thought, done anything to Mr. Sanchez’s laundry, nor would he have. Clothing, even clothing as worn and beaten in as Mr. Sanchez’s, was too precious of an item for Ezra to have done such a thing to.

Ezra might have a better idea than most of who had probably done it, but Eli had refused to talk. Possibly because Ezra had threatened to punch him if he had done such a foolish thing, but after having been grilled for at least half an hour before his freedom had been reluctantly granted, subtly had not been on his mind.

Lord, he was hot. Pulling his shirt away from his back where it had stuck, the young man contemplated pulling off his jacket, not sure if it was providing protection from the sun or simply causing him to bake. Foolish was too kind a word, the dry air feeling now like it was pulling the moisture from his skin itself and he was certain a headache was not too far behind.

Still, even if perhaps this had not been one of his more intelligent decisions, Ezra was closer to the water in front of him than he was to the town behind him. Looking around at the landmarks that were familiar enough, even if they seemed farther apart without his horse, he relaxed a little. Another ten minutes at most and he’d have ample water and shade, and very little chance of unwanted visitors. It was possible Mr. Tanner might think of this locality if the others began to look for him, but Ezra was certain he had hours before anyone would concern themselves with his whereabouts. Even then, that he would come here on foot would not be likely to occur to the tracker. He’d be able to think, to plan his next move properly.

After all, what absurdity would it be for them to look for someone whose presence was not desired in the first place? Eventually duty would push them to it, they were honorable men, and he was a youth in the care of one of their number, but Ezra would wager that it would be at least close to dusk before anyone more than wondered where he was.

Swallowing, Ezra put another foot forward. He had saved part of his allowance each time it had come, and even managed to join the games at Digger Dan’s a few times before a concerned patron had enlightened his cousin. Shifting as he recalled the unpleasant aftermath of that, Ezra was fairly certain that he had enough capital to ensure easy transportation out of the territory. It would help if he had some idea what direction to travel in in order to rejoin Mother, if he did not elect to stay on his own, but he would manage. He always did.

Seeing the rise of rock that told him he was nearly to the small paradise that might even make this grueling walk worth the trouble, a smile of relief tugged at Ezra’s lips and his trudging pace increased twofold.

*.*.*.*

Chris Larabee’s expression was grim as he stalked the street, looking for Buck. Really, any of the peacekeepers who weren’t already on the hunt for Ezra would do. Or Ezra. Much as he wasn’t sure what he’d say, a glimpse of the boy in one of his familiar peacock colored coats was exactly what was needed now. Chris didn’t always have the best way with the boy-it was hard when he wore a mask at least half the time, when you couldn’t tell how he was feeling or reacting to your words-but he could handle telling him that whoever had put such ideas in his head was nothing but a liar. Didn’t have to talk to Buck first to know that for a fact. Vin had come out of the saloon in time to hear the end of Nathan’s explanation and was already on his way out to the pond the kids used as a swimming hole when it wasn’t too low. Chris had a bad feeling that Ezra would not have stayed at so popular a spot, not when he was upset, but at least it was a place to start.

His eyes lit on Conklin, the man arranging goods outside his hardware store, and narrowed. If anyone had been likely to say such cruel things to a thirteen year old boy it was him, and, his shoulder’s squaring, Chris walked straight for him.

Before he could get there, but after Conklin had seen him coming and the older man’s eyes had widened to the gunslinger’s satisfaction, Buck appeared in front of him, face creased with stress. The man only stopped long enough to say, “I’m riding out to the swimming hole, looking,” and was heading down the street again. Chris cut his glare back to Conklin and fixed him with it a moment longer, before deciding the man could wait. He’d already set JD to searching the town and asking everyone if they’d seen Ezra, and Nathan was trying to track down the Raley boy, see if he could get more details out of him. Finding Ezra was the most important thing. Stalking towards the livery Chris ran through places besides the swimming hole the boy might’ve gone. Weren’t too many he could think of, but boys always had their own secret places. Buck was already swinging up onto Lady when he got to the livery, tersely informing him, “Ezra’s on foot,” before he was riding off.

Saddling Pony, Chris mused over how that would change their search, Chaucer’s dissatisfied nickers, almost confused as most of his ‘herd’ left the stables, tightening his lips. On the one hand, Ezra couldn’t get too far on foot, on the other, a horse could give you a lot of protection if something did go wrong.

Hopefully, they’d find him sooner rather than later. Sun was still powerfully high in the sky, but if they didn’t find him before it set the new moon would give them too little light to work with. Nights in the desert were chilly anyway, this time of year with the weather changing it could surprise you. Leading Pony out of the livery, Chris leapt up, pressing his heels in just the slightest bit to get the gelding moving at a good clip.

*.*.*.*.*

Vin slowed, waiting, as he heard the sound of hoof beats coming towards him. He was pretty sure from the gait that it was Buck on Lady, but kept his ear tuned to the road until the man came around the bend. He nodded to Buck, whose face dared to look at him hopefully for a second and then fell when Vin gave a small shake of his head. Vin fought the urge to duck behind his hair. There were so many tracks going in and of town that it had been impossible to find Ezra’s at first, and then he’d only tracked him out to a little past where he thought he must have met up with Eli. He was half convinced the boy had started floating, but more likely he’d begun covering up and erasing his tracks. Like Vin had taught him. Dammit.

Boy was a natural.

Though his face made obvious he knew the answer, Buck still asked, “Any sign?” as he pulled Lady up next to Peso.

“For awhile, but it ends aways back.”

Frustrated, Buck shook his head, “How does a trail disappear in broad daylight? Swear that boy is slippier than an eel.” Vin nodded, and then turned Peso back the way they’d come. Ezra was both slippery and a natural, but he was just a kid. There had to be something he’d missed. Something.

His eyes glued to the ground, hoping something would jump out at him, Vin stayed silent all the way back to where he’d lost Ezra’s trail. Buck’s nervous energy was like molasses in the air around them, but for once the big man was staying quiet, his own eyes peeled for anything he could see. Finally back to the last traces he’d seen, Ezra’s boot marks scuffed into the ground as though he’d been kicking at it, Vin climbed down off Peso. He examined the ground intently, going back and forth, disappointed that the hard ground and bits of desert scrub gave him little to work with. On his third pass, a calm settling over him by force, Vin spotted it and grinned. Buck noticed immediately, sitting up straight on Lady, and asking, “What is it? You noticed something new?”

Still grinning, even as exasperation tugged at him, Vin told him, “Kid doubled back on himself a ways. Must’ve thought that Eli might tell somebody, since he’s walking back in his own footprints. Real light too.”

“You think he went back to town and is hiding somewhere there?” Buck sounded like he wasn’t sure whether to be hopeful or irritated at that. Standing up carefully, eyes still on the tracks, Vin shrugged.

“Maybe. Or he coulda veered off.” For just a second he looked over at Buck, “What do you think set him off?”

“Damned if I have the foggiest.” Vin could hear Buck’s swallow it was so loud. “That boy...he’s like a prickly pear, takes a while to figure out how to handle ‘im. I’d never-”

“Course not,” Vin soothed. Something had set Ezra off, sure enough, but the idea that it could have been Buck was laughable.


	4. Chapter 4

Ezra stared out over the water of the small oasis, hair dripping from its submergence upon his arrival, cooling him even more than the shade he was loathe to move from. He'd only left it to have a second and then third drink from the clear water-upstream from where he'd bathed his face and head, of course. The temptation to dip his entire body in had been strong, but then he had worried about being chilled as the day turned into evening.

It was a beautiful place, a patch of vibrant green and crystal blue nearly hidden in the deeper tones of the desert that he had discovered and thought to be his own, until he had found Mr. Tanner sunning himself there one day. Strangely, while he couldn’t say it hadn’t bothered him, it had quickly ceased too. Rarely were the two there at the same time and slowly the idea that they shared this small paradise in the dusty desert had become a warm one.

His hand tracing over the ground, Ezra found a small stone and tossed it into the large pool, watching as it splashed down into the water, ripples flowing out smaller and smaller until the waves calmed. Ezra’s thoughts kept vacillating between the complete shock he’d felt when he overheard the dreaded conversation and the notion that this had always been inevitable. Hadn’t it always happened before? What a fool he’d been to think that matters would differ here.

Even if they had, Mother would have just shown her face eventually, retrieving him when she felt he would be beneficial to whatever game she was currently playing. Really, it made no difference in the end. Swallowing the lump in his throat once again, Ezra nodded. Really, truly, it didn't.

The ever lengthening list of sins Ezra had contemplated on the hot, dreary walk he’d undertaken made it clear that whatever betrayal he might have felt at the words he’d heard was not truly undeserved. Even the misadventures that had ended with Buck laughing, trying to ruffle his hair as Ezra dodged, before he told him he’d do best to keep his nose clean and away from such mischief suddenly seemed to loom large in front of him. Clearly, the man had been more bothered than he’d let on.

Or...or maybe he just didn’t like him any longer, didn’t care for his company. Maybe he never had.

It wasn’t fair, wasn’t right that he’d let Ezra think he had, that he’d called him pard and son, that he’d said...swallowing, Ezra pushed the thought away. Buck wasn’t the first relative to say such things, to offer a family only to later declare that Ezra did not deserve to be a part of their own. It had been years since he’d allowed himself to be taken in in such a way, but he’d long learned that his mother was not the only one in the family who was partial to a good con.

Fool. He was an utter fool.

His hands, needing to be busy, needing to be occupied in some way, even as his mind refused to be occupied by affairs otherwise than his current train of thought, sought out his deck of cards from his inside coat pocket. Almost mechanically, he began shuffling, the smooth feel of the well worn cards quieting his wild emotions slightly, each inch an old friend. Ezra tried to tell himself it didn’t matter. That leaving Four Corners would be no different from leaving any number of other towns and cities he’d resided in.

But it was. It was so very different.

His hands faltered as he ran his cards through a waterfall shuffle, the pasteboard flinging itself up and into his face before falling to the ground all around him. It seemed a fitting metaphor for what was happening in his life and it drew a sharp laugh from Ezra as he began gathering up his deck before the fickle wind could scatter them around the small quarry in the rock formation. He had nearly all of them when exactly what he had feared took place; a gust found its way through the narrow entrance, not strong enough to pull the cards he’d already gathered out of his hands, but enough to whip those few still lying loose around, Ezra chasing after them. Nearly all had been retrieved when disaster struck, his boot catching on a loose rock his eyes had missed. Ezra went sprawling forward with his hands still busy reaching for cards, landing on them hard enough that he slid across the stone and sand, the pain and surprise of the scrapes startling a cry out of him.

But it was not that that had tears springing to his eyes, a sob choking its way past his defenses. No, it was the carefully gathered cards, floating and sinking into the water before him that had first one sob, then another, and another, snaking their way out of his throat traitorously, that had tears filling his eyes, unable to stop, even as their force shook his body and mucus clogged his nose. Unable to stop, unable to think about anything but that his cards were gone, and Cousin Buck didn’t want to be his family anymore, no one did, Ezra curled up and sobbed into his knees.

*.*.*.*

Buck felt like his heart was in his throat. It had been since Nathan had spotted him sneaking out of Miss Dora’s room and called him over. Pulling Lady to a stop as Vin once again leapt off Peso, taking a closer look at something Buck couldn’t even see, the rogue tried to swallow, remembering the look on Nathan’s face and the way his first thought had been that something had happened to one of the boys.

It had.

While he’d been off with Dora having himself a good time, somehow, someway, Ezra had been dealt the sort of blow no kid should have to deal with at all, let alone by himself. Just showed that he really didn’t know what he was doing, he knew how to be an uncle or a big brother, but this, with Ezra, it was all new, and far as Buck could tell it was about as tricky as hugging a cactus. If you didn't have any arms. Shifting slightly on a tense Lady, Buck tried to understand again how Ezra could have gotten such an idea in his head. If someone had actually said something so cruel to him Buck wasn’t sure he’d be able to control himself, couldn’t imagine even the townsfolk who thought the boy was running too wild actually saying such a lie.

Swallowing down a throatful of anger and grief, he quietly asked Vin, “What’d ya find?”

“He veered off that way,” Vin pointed off the side of the trail, out into the sparse scrub land and Buck frowned, even though he didn’t doubt Vin for a second. Where could Ezra have been heading to out there? “I might know where he is-wouldn’ta thought he’d go there on foot, though. It’s pretty far.” Buck might as well have heard the silent ‘too far’ that followed Vin’s last words and he swallowed even as a stream of swear words swept through his mind. A boy on foot, upset and not thinking straight, could get into all sorts of trouble in the desert. The heat of the day followed by the chill of the night had wrung the water out of and frozen plenty of grown men.

“What are we waiting for?” Buck’s voice came out intense, maybe a little angry, but Vin didn’t react except to get back on Peso and start leading the way. It was still slower than Buck would’ve liked, knew that Vin wasn’t counting on Ezra being where he hoped he was, instead looking for every bit of sign he could find, but it was something. Something that damn well better not turn into nothing.

Why hadn’t he kept looking for Ezra earlier? Why had he let himself be distracted by Miss Dora? She was sweet and interesting, and a pretty thing to boot, but the truth was there weren’t too many women Buck didn’t find sweet and interesting, and pretty enough to spend an afternoon with. If he’d kept looking for Ezra, done his duty by the boy, maybe he would’ve been able to find him before he left town, or at least before he was walking through the desert during the heat of the day. Walking through it, thinking he didn’t have a home anymore.

Vin hopped off Peso almost without stopping and then was back on top of him before Buck had slowed Lady. “No doubt where he’s headed now.” Vin moved Peso from a fast walk to a canter and Buck quickly joined him, wondering a little just where Ezra had headed and why Vin knew about it. Mostly, he was just plenty grateful that he did.

*.*.*.*.*

“Just _what_ do you think you’re doing?” Nathan glared, the surprise and outrage clear in his voice as he realized just why he’d been pointed in this direction when looking for Eli. Eli, hands still on the laundry bag that had been dropped on Conklin’s back porch, froze, like he was hoping he’d imagined Nathan’s voice. Clearing his throat pointedly, Nathan waited impatiently for the boy to turn around, not impressed by the innocent ‘who me’ look on his round face.

“Um, uh, I was helping the laundry lady drop off the bags.” It came out more like a question than a statement and Eli definitely didn’t have Ezra’s poker face. The tin cup full of dirt he’d been about to dump inside the open bag still being clutched in his hand sure didn’t help, either.

“Sure you were. Why don’t you come down from there and leave that alone and maybe I won’t tell your mama what you were getting up to.” Not that he didn’t understand the temptation to ruin Conklin’s day, but going around damaging others property wasn’t something he could condone as a peacekeeper. (Not something he wanted a boy Ezra called friend doing.)?

Even if it was Conklin. Even if Eli being here now made him think that this might be revenge for Conklin having been the one to tell that foul lie to Ezra.

Slowly, like he was expecting Nathan to haul him off to jail, or maybe pop him one, the boy came down the porch, the tin cup dumped in the yard and then held awkwardly in his hand. Nathan wondered where he’d got it, he hadn’t had it with him earlier, and even though it had taken him awhile to track the boy down it hadn’t been long enough for him to go home and back. Getting a little worried that the man of the hour would appear and want to know what they were doing, he jerked his head backwards and muttered, “C’mon,” as he started through the tiny yard towards the alley. He kept his eye on a reluctant Eli, half expecting the boy to try and run off, but he followed him even as he looked at Nathan with a nervous, shifting gaze. It was only when they were partway down the alley behind the row of houses that he stopped and fixed him again with a gimlet eye. Eli attempted to keep walking, like he hadn’t noticed Nathan had stopped, or didn’t think it was much to do with him, and he was not about to put up with that even if he hadn’t been wanting to talk to him in the first place. “And where do you think you’re goin'?”

To his credit, the kid actually stopped and turned back to him. “Figured I should go home.” Eli seemed a bit resentful that he’d stopped him, but mostly like he just wasn’t sure how to react, shifting a bit and shoving his empty hand in a pocket only to pull it out again. Nathan figured it wasn’t too often people took him to task on his mischief instead of just shooing or chasing him away. Which probably explained a lot.

“Yeah, well I figure you should tell me why you thought that was a good idea, messing with somebody else’s clean clothes. Someone might not pay their laundry bill after opening the bag to that. Even though the work had been done.”

Eli scowled, but it was a guilty scowl, “No one would think the laundry dumped dirt into their clean clothes. ‘Course he’d still pay Mrs. Liu.”

“It would be the decent thing to do.” Nathan’s tone made it obvious that that didn’t mean it was what would’ve been done, and from the slight shuffle of Eli’s feet in the alley dust he thought he might be making his point clear. “Either way, you’ve got no business messing around with another person’s property. Clothes ain’t cheap, and if he'd caught ya he probably would've wanted you locked up.”

“But he-” Eli cut himself off, looking both indignant and uncertain, and spiking Nathan’s curiosity. Even if it wouldn’t excuse what the boy had been planning, if it had been Conklin who’d upset Ezra at least there would be reason more than him being a cranky old man behind it.

“He what?” Nathan waited a beat while Eli hemmed and hawed all over again. “Conklin have something to do with what you told me about Ezra?” There was a long moment while Eli considered this question, the kid finally shrugging.

“Don’t know. Ezra didn’t say.” It was muttered grudgingly, with a quick glare shot back in the direction of Conklin’s clapboard house. Clearly, Eli thought it was Conklin, but knew he had no proof. Maybe, wanted it to be Conklin. It would make things nice and simple, was someone the kid knew how to fight. Even if Nathan didn’t think Eli had any business trying to. Only, after the talk Buck and him had with Conklin, Nathan wasn’t sure even that man would be so stupid. Would hope Ezra would know better than to believe anything he said, anyway.

“He do something else then?” The healer was sure he already knew the answer, but he wanted Eli to say it.

“Guess not…” Eli kicked at the dirt and couldn’t seem to meet Nathan’s eyes. Nathan wasn’t sure if he actually felt guilty or was just upset that he couldn’t come up with a reason, but it would have to do for now. Josiah had been right, it wasn’t fair that no one seemed to be trying to teach the boy better, and with as close as it seemed he was sticking to Ezra the healer figured it would come back to bite him if he didn't start speaking up.

“Either way, taking matters into your own hands, especially like this, is plain wrong. Earlier, when you came and told me about Ezra, you got us all looking for him, so we can fix things. That was good. This wouldn’t have fixed nothing, just give Conklin another reason to be a fussy old crosspatch. And destroying someone else's property ain't right no matter what and at 14 you should know it.” The words came out awkward, more reluctant than Nathan meant them to be and Eli shrugged again, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world, and, finally, properly guilty. Nathan felt an unexpected surge of sympathy for him and mustered up a bit of a smile.

“Now, I was looking for you. Wondering if you could tell me anymore about what Ezra told you.” Slightly reluctant, Eli looked up at him again, a hand coming up to push sweaty hair off his forehead and for the first time Nathan become conscious that he was a large man towering over a teenager in a narrow alley. Gentling his voice a little, Nathan said, “It could help us figure all this out. Help Ezra.”

“I told you what he said. Ezra was awful upset, ‘cause he thinks Mr. Wilmington hates him now. Only told me ‘cause I could tell something was wrong and kept asking.” Eli didn’t sound guilty or nervous now, just sort of sad, resigned, and Nathan recalled the red eyes.

“Hey, you know Buck isn’t sending Ezra anywhere, right?” Another shuffle of feet and an unconvincing nod, a hint of a sniffle the kid couldn’t quite hide.

“Well, he isn’t. This is Ezra’s home now, your friend isn’t going anywhere.”

The boy rocked on his feet a moment, round face an open book showing every anxious thought, building on each other until his lips split and they all came sliding out. “He doesn’t want to be my friend no more,” Eli’s words were barely loud enough for him to hear, and before Nathan had time to process them, to wonder for more than half a second if he’d been part of what upset Ezra after all, more words started pouring out of the boy, it seeming like their flow was the only thing keeping tears from following, there wasn’t any room. “Said it was all my fault, that it was ‘cause we keep getting into trouble, only maybe he didn’t say that part, but I don’t know what else I could’ve done to make him hate me, and it ain’t fair, sometimes things are my idea, but sometimes they’re Ezra’s and I ain’t trying to get him in trouble, we’re just always having so much fun, and now,” the torrent of emotion slowed as quickly as it had started, Eli sagging in a way that had Nathan worried he was going to slump right over for a minute, “and now he hates me. I ain’t got no friends at all.”

If Nathan hadn’t spent the last six months slowly figuring out how to deal with one difficult teenager he might have handled the next bit more clumsily than he did. “I’m sure that’s not true-”

“Is so! Henry pretends to like me ‘cause of Ezra, but he don’t, and Missy Belk thinks I’m dumb, and Mrs. Potter won’t let the twins play with me anymore. Sometimes she even sends them out of the room if they’re in the mercantile when I go in!” Eli was glaring at him, with tears crowding around the corner of his eyes, and, even as part of him was thinking the boy needed to mind that glare, Nathan wished he weren’t sure that what he’d said about Mrs. Potter and the twins was true. You couldn’t make kids like each other, and Henry Conklin was a bit of a snob anyway, taking after his daddy, but what harm could the boy saying hello to the twins do? A tiny bit of the protectiveness he would feel if it were Ezra telling him this welled its way to the surface of Nathan’s heart.

“Well, about Henry, remember who his Daddy is. That boy doesn’t like much of anybody.” That got a tiny hint of a smile, and Nathan decided to skip right over Missy Belk, a very pretty and very smart girl who was two years Eli’s senior and treated all the younger boys with disdain. Nathan figured having them trailing after her probably got pretty old. Mrs. Potter was a difficult one, too. “But I know Ezra isn’t gonna stop being your friend just like that,” Eli’s mouth started to open in protest, face going a bit mulish, but Nathan kept talking, “He was just scared and probably not thinking clear.”

The boy shrugged again, swiftly bringing up and swiping a sleeve across damp eyes, “I guess.”

Getting that the boy was just agreeing to try and end the conversation, but not wanting to push too much, Nathan nodded and said, “I know so.” Eli shot a little smile at him, hopeful and doubtful all at once. Truth was, if Ezra’s attachment to Eli wasn’t so strong the peacekeepers might have tried to keep them apart, but none of them had had the heart. Now, even though some blurted words and one conversation couldn’t change his opinion of the boy entirely, Nathan was glad of that.

Kid was loyal. That stood for a lot in Nathan’s book.


	5. Chapter 5

Buck wished the horses could go faster, lost enough in his worries that Vin’s call of, “Almost there,” nearly went unheard as he shouted it over. Good. They’d been riding nearly fifteen minutes straight now, which at a steady lope was a lot of ground. That Ezra had been covering on foot after the walk to the swimming hole and part way back.

He knew his young cousin had been more than upset, but going on a nearly seven mile walk into the desert without telling anyone was about as risky as trying to play tag with a porcupine, and it didn’t sit well with him. Once he got the boy's head on straight and made it clear he wasn't going anywhere he was going to have some words with him about being so darn foolish.

Then find out who had fed him such garbage and rip their head right off.

Vin started reining Peso in as they approached a small rise and Buck followed suit. It went up and then down and then Buck saw where his cousin must be, a sandstone formation that had only partially escaped the desert winds, jutting out of the earth, hollowed and open to the sky. There was an arched opening just high enough for a man to go through on horseback, but Buck, having overtaken Vin, hopped off as he neared. A boy thinking he was being sent away might take it in his head to be a bit skittish, and he was big enough even not on his horse.

Stepping through into the shaded hideaway, Buck’s eyes paid no attention to the pretty wellspring or the surprisingly bright greenery scattered around it, scanning the space for one small gambler. For a second he didn’t see him and his heart leapt into his throat, choking him. Ezra not being here, when it had been ages now since even Eli had seen him, could be bad. Real bad. Then he saw the small huddled body, mostly just a lump of blue cloth with reddish hair on top and this time his heart leapt right out of his throat as he dropped Lady’s reins and rushed to land on his knees next to Ezra. A second later, even as he reached out for the boy, he was sighing in relief, because Ezra’s face was tear-stained and sunburned, he could see a scrape on one hand, but he seemed to be mostly alright. Gently, a little worried knowing what Ezra thought, he put a hand on one tucked in shoulder and shook it just a bit, “Hey, lil’ pard, what are you doing way out here?” Ezra squirmed a little, like he was trying to nestle into the sandy ground and Buck couldn’t help but grin a little. Kid did the same thing to his pillow, when he wasn't shoving it on top of his head. “C’mon now, Ez, it’s time to wake up.”

Green eyes started to open, Ezra groaning a protest just like Buck was waking him up for the day-

Only to stiffen, pushing himself away almost instinctively on hands that looked to be scraped worse than he’d thought, Buck’s stomach knotting in response. Ezra’s eyes were both wary and hazy with sleep. He swallowed, and before he could get more than a, “Hey, Hoss-” out, Ezra was blurting at him, words it took him a moment to even start to understand.

“Ah’m not going to live with Cousin Miriam, and you cannot force me to undergo the journey. She smells of old cheese.” Even sleepy and upset, Ezra tried to make it come out dignified, controlled, but the damp eyes were a dead give away.

Buck reached for him out of instinct even as he was shaking his head and saying, “Of course not, of course not, Hoss. You ain’t going nowhere,” intending to pull the boy into his arms, only to receive a glare of such intensity that he stopped mid-motion.

“Ah have no need of pity.” Frowning a little at the flat words, because pity had nothing to do with anything, Buck let his voice grow a little stern. Not because he wanted to be, but because he wanted to get his cousin listening to him quick.

“Hey, settle down now, Pard. You’re staying with me because you’re my family and I want you here, not because of no pity.” The glare wavered before disappearing, but Buck wasn’t fooled, knew that it was just hidden behind one of the kid’s poker faces. He was pretty sure he had about ten. Softening again, but not reaching out yet, he explained, “Heard from Eli you’ve got some wrong ideas in your head, don’t know where you got them, but they’re all wrong, you hear me?” The child just looked up at him, face unchanged, but pretty obviously not believing him, his shoulders hunching in just a little. Like he was protecting himself, protecting himself from Buck, and he could swear his heart about broke into pieces right there. What could he say to get this boy, more stubborn than him by far, to actually listen? He’d told him he wasn’t-

Oh. Buck knew in that moment that Chris was 100% right, he was a damned idiot.

Making sure to look Ezra right in the eye, his voice a little husky as he said it, Buck insisted, “I love you, Ezra. One whole hell of a lot.” There was still something untrusting about Ezra’s eyes, but now they said he wanted to, like a half wild horse, not sure yet if it had faith in the hands gentling it or not, and this time he let Buck pull him close and squeeze him. He didn’t seem to know what to do, how to feel, pushing a little into Buck’s chest, but not relaxing. Not acting like he felt safe, or relieved, just like he wanted to feel that way. Like he wanted to believe him, but he didn’t. Buck did what anyone did with a hurt child in their arms, rocked him and murmured comforting words and assurances, as just a trickle of sharp, jagged, almost silent sobs escaped his cousin. Then far sooner than Buck would have expected Ezra pulled away, eyes dried and jacket straightened in about the time it took Buck to blink, for all he was still on the ground in the dust.

It wasn't that he expected for things to be fixed or Ezra to stop being upset-really stop being upset, not the front that was being put on-at the drop of a hat. That he hadn’t figured they’d need to have a few long talks, if Ezra could believe something like that, before things were straightened out. But something was wrong here, something Buck wasn’t understanding. Ezra was playing the role of the relieved and exhausted-well, that part was probably genuine-child, and doing a pretty bang up job of it, but Buck knew him too well to believe it now. Part of him wanted to press it, thought that maybe that was what he should be doing, but Ezra wasn’t just exhausted, he was sunburned and had scrapes on his hands and wrists that needed a bit of seeing too. “Where’s your canteen, Ezra? You should fill it before we go.” He pushed himself up and held out a hand to his little cousin, who took it without hesitation, if that said anything. He kept close to Buck’s side once he had him up as well, but was looking everywhere but at him.

“Thank you for retrieving me, Ah had no ambition to attempt the trek back.” No canteen then. Dangerous as anything to set off into the desert without one, but Buck didn’t have the heart to say anything just then, let alone scold.

“Pretty long walk you took, I’m not surprised.” He reached out and squeezed Ezra’s shoulder and for just a second Ezra actually relaxed. Maybe, Buck thought, he had a handle on this after all.

Vin cleared his throat and, when Buck looked over, held up the canteen he’d refilled with cool water. Buck nodded at him in thanks. With only his hands to drink out of after that ‘trek’ kid had to be drier than he should be. He held up his free hand and Vin tossed it to him. Taking his hand off Ezra’s shoulder long enough to twist the lid off, he held it out to the boy. “Take a good pull off that.” With a quiet thank you and nod, Ezra drank, slowly at first, but then faster. Buck’s eyebrows raised-right by the water where he’d been he’d assumed the boy had drank enough to not be quite so dry as a tinderbox, but he was going to have half that canteen drained in a minute. Of course, Buck didn’t know how long he’d been there for sure, or how much of it had been spent sleeping. He bit back the ‘Thirsty, pard?’ that his lips wanted to blurt when Ezra finally pulled the canteen from his mouth, still holding onto it with fingers that were just a little tight. “We’ll just fill that right back up there, pard, and then why don’t you hang onto it for me on the ride back?”

A quiet, almost resigned sounding, “Yes, sah,” was his answer, but the way Ezra’s hand had squeezed onto the canteen a little harder at the beginning of his sentence, only to relax at the end told a whole different story. Unable to help it, he stretched out a hand and smoothed it over his cousin’s dark auburn hair.

“You’re alright now, Hoss.” The kid nodded, waiting a second before he pulled away and knelt by the water to fill the canteen. Buck ran a hand through his hair while Ezra wasn’t looking, biting back a sigh. Boy had probably scared himself, when he’d started to get hot and thirsty on a walk that had been too damn long, and then there was the scare he’d been given. If it had been JD scared like that, back when he’d first taken the kid under his wing, there would’ve been a lot more tears, and probably some yelling, but once it was over the kid would’ve been clingy as a limpet. Buck knew Ezra wasn’t JD, but he was also only thirteen. For far from the first time, he wondered how a kid that young had gotten walls so high. Ezra stood, giving him an expectant look, and Buck settled a hand back on his shoulder, using it to start moving the worn out boy towards Lady. “Time to go home.”

*.*.*

Chris looked up at the sun that was about midway down the horizon now, shielding his eyes with one hand from the worst of the glare. He’d looked around about everywhere he would have thought Ezra might be out this side of town, rode out to Miz Nettie’s and then a set of shallow caves he’d found the boy coming out of on a patrol. All that had done was worry Nettie and Casey, and get Chris’s coat and hat a nice layer of cave dust. By now the thing to do was head back to town, hoping that one of the others had found Ezra. Or that the kid had been smart enough to come home himself. If not they could at least regroup and figure out where they might not have looked.

If the Raley kid hadn’t been the one to tell them Ezra had gone off half cocked, he might have wondered if the boy were helping him hide somewhere, so as to avoid wherever the currently wrong-headed kid thought he was being sent.

Turning Pony around, Chris squeezed his heels lightly to get the horse up to an even trot. With all of them looking, Josiah going around to houses while JD looked in nooks and crannies and interrogated anyone out and about if they’d seen Ezra about five times, and Buck and Vin both heading out to the swimming hole…

While the truth was the desert was more than big enough to swallow one young boy, there was no point thinking like that when Ezra was probably in town already, being fussed over and fed. Chris’s lips pressed together as he pressed his heels into Pony one more time and clicked his tongue, speeding him to a ground eating canter. Best to be back before dark.

*.*.*

Ezra let Buck guide him to Lady, and even held himself back from protesting as the man assisted him into the saddle as though he were Billy Travis’s age, not his own. Vin stopped by him, resting a hand on Ezra's knee and quietly telling him he was glad he was alright.

He didn’t understand. He wanted to believe in the simple assurances his cousin had given him-that he was wanted, that he was family, that he was loved. Wanted to believe it badly. Yet, how could he allow himself to? After the horrid words he’d heard. After Buck had laughed so easily at the idea of him leaving, said things would be simpler without Ezra around. For a man like Buck, Ezra knew that simpler often meant better. The man climbed up in the saddle behind him, pulling Ezra snug against him. He was tired and miserable, his hands hurt, and part of him longed to lean back into the broad chest behind him and trust Buck to keep him in the saddle. To trust Buck.

But how could he?

The sun was just starting to lower in the sky as they came over the rise behind the oasis, surprising him a little as he hadn’t been aware he’d been gone that long. Ezra gazed ahead, trying to turn his mind to other things, but it couldn’t be helped.

Surely, he would think one minute, if Buck truly did not care for you he would have been displeased over the chore you gave him of retrieving you. The man hadn’t even scolded him, though part of Ezra vaguely thought his foolish journey would’ve been deserving of it. Somehow, he’d misunderstood the discussion he’d overheard.

Then, the next minute, he would dash those thoughts to the floor. Indulging in wishes and make believe did not alter the world around you, he’d long learned that. He knew, word for word, what he’d heard all three men say. Mr. Sanchez alone had not been quite so desirous for him to take his leave, and Ezra had a notion that preachers were required to want to redeem and ‘guide’ all persons. If he did not agree with Mr. Jackson’s assessment of him, or had a grievance against him being sent away he would’ve been more pointed, not merely said they were being uncharitable.

Detesting that he couldn’t hold it back, a yawn forced its way out of Ezra, the smooth trot Lady was maintaining rhythmic and slightly soothing. He compelled himself to straighten, not willing to relax into sleep.

If cousin Buck wanted to maintain the illusion that they were a happy family until the day inevitably came-Ezra paused here, having to swallow-then he supposed it would be a great deal easier to help maintain it than to pull it down.

He was a natural actor, after all. Mother had always said.

It shouldn’t have been so hard to keep his composure when Buck pulled him back against his chest after a second yawn he could neither halt nor hide, murmuring, “You want to catch a little shut-eye, just go right on ahead,” and suddenly he could hear the man’s heartbeat, steady and strong.

It shouldn’t have made it hurt so much to know it was all a lie.

Ezra only realized his vow to stay awake had been broken when he felt Buck handing him down to someone else, quickly identifying it as Josiah by the smell of wood and varnish, and the strength in the arms holding him. Long practice had him waiting another moment, ears keen for any information, and then he shifted, yawning and stretching his feet towards the ground. Mr. Sanchez obliged, nudging him a bit as though ensuring he were actually awake and then helping him find his feet. Ezra let him, aware of the curious sensation that had him wanting to both move closer to the man and fling himself away, but forcing it down as best he could. It’s easy, he told himself as Josiah rested a hand on the nape of his neck, they expected a relieved, chagrined, and slightly uncertain boy, so be that boy.

Somehow, even before he’d truly started, Ezra knew this would be much more difficult than any of the enterprises he’d engaged in for Mother. “You doing alright there son?” Josiah’s voice was warm and solid, and-

Just another lie, he reminded himself firmly as he smiled wanly and nodded a little at the big man. Knowing that the best lies were grounded in truth, he allowed himself to admit, “Ah’ve had better days.” Josiah chuckled quietly and rubbed his thumb lightly where it rested between Ezra’s neck and shoulder.

“I’m certain of that. And the harder the day the longer it feels.” Mr. Sanchez was giving him the sort of look that generally meant a lot of talking was about to be done, much of it in circles. Ezra didn’t mind that ordinarily, but it was rather different when he was likely to be one of the main topics, rather then the life of some obscure saint or some historical expedition. Deciding that it would be what was expected, and only for that reason, Ezra craned his head around towards the livery door, eyes searching for Buck to emerge from the warm room, Lady seen to. “He’ll be out again in just a minute, Ezra. Don’t expect Buck wants to let you out of his sight for long, either.”

“Perhaps not,” Ezra murmured as he straightened from his lean, and then immediately regretted it as Josiah fixed him with a concerned and marginally stern look.

“He was very worried about you, knowing you’d been told some cruel lies and then not able to find you. We were all very worried about you. But our wandering lamb is home now, back with the flock. Where he belongs.” Ezra did not actually swallow furiously, keeping the compulsion back through sheer mule headedness, but his emotions felt as though he should be doing so fast enough to produce a wind current. Josiah was meeting his eyes in a way that had Ezra considering that the man could see into his soul, like the man outside the circus in New Orleans who had claimed he could see the color of them. Only, that had been a con and with Josiah he could feel it. “You understand?”

It took Ezra a second to process that he’d been asked a question and even as the lie tripped off his tongue he found he did not want to say it, “Yes sah.” Josiah kept looking at him for an unending stretch of time, Ezra now certain the man was capable of seeing something that would be hidden to the average human.

Buck’s echoing footsteps delivered him from the all seeing gaze, his cousin asking Josiah, “Is Nate up in the clinic? Ezra’s got a couple scrapes that could do with some seeing to.” Ezra stiffened even as he tried not to. As much as it was Buck’s words that had cut the deepest, Nathan’s had been by far the harshest and he wasn’t entirely confident that he would be able to handle the man behaving as though he cared for him when the opposite was true.

Mr. Jackson had said he didn’t trust Ezra’s smile. All he could think of was various men he or mother had faced across poker tables, among other, worse, places, men with smiles like sharks who Ezra had known would clamp ruthless jaws around him if given half a chance.

Was that what his smile looked like to Nathan?

“I believe so, what with JD having scoured the town about six times he thought the best thing to do was ready the clinic.” He shifted his gaze from Buck to Ezra and intoned, “Just in case.” Ezra swallowed.

“Think Ezra learned his lesson about taking long walks in the desert, Josiah,” Buck said it firmly, but with no rancor in his voice, holding out one arm as though he expected Ezra to come over and stand against his side.

Josiah’s hand dropped from his neck as he acquiesced, “I guess you’d know best about that, brother,” and Ezra hated the uncertain feeling that stole over him. He’d decided on a course of action, it should be simple enough to follow it. Buck’s face started to droop the longer Ezra just stood there, and that decided it for him. He walked, not in a hurry, over to his cousin’s side, not actually leaning against Buck as the man was clearly inviting, but close enough that after a second his hand dropped to Ezra’s shoulder, squeezing.

Ezra was certain of very little at that moment, but that this was the most perplexing event of his life was clear to him. He never would have presumed his cousin to be such a skilled thespian. Josiah’s sermons could be theatrical, but his words had seemed sincere, and Ezra had had lessons from the best in reading voices for inflection.

Only, he was entirely unsure if it was not perhaps his desire to see such things in them that was causing him to find them. He was meant to rule his emotions, to use them as a tool, not let them rule him. It had been one of Mother’s first lessons. In this situation he was not sure he was succeeding.

“C’mon, Hoss. You got an appointment with the doc.”

Buck began using his hold on Ezra’s shoulder to steer him in the direction of the clinic, but his heels pressed into the dirt with a will, Ezra protesting weakly, “There is no need to disturb Mr. Jackson, a thorough washing of my hands will more than suffice-”

“You’re getting your hands seen to, Ezra. Your sunburn needs some salve, too.” Buck’s voice was unmovable in a way he had only heard one or two times before, but already knew it was futile to argue with. Ezra scowled at the ground, telling himself that he was maintaining the image he’d chosen to project, but knowing in his heart of hearts that he was scowling at the ground because he felt like doing so.


	6. Chapter 6

JD held onto his hat as he ran across the road, barely taking the time to make sure he didn’t get broadsided by a passing wagon, eyes intent on Ezra and Buck. He skidded to a stop right in front of the stairs to Nathan’s and leapt up onto the boardwalk. Buck was scowling at him, probably because of the wagon, but, grinning wide, JD didn’t pay him any mind, “Ezra, you’re alright!” Ezra smiled at him, but JD thought he still looked kind of sad.

“Yes, Ah apologize for any worry Ah inflicted on you. But things have been put to rights now.”

JD shrugged at Ezra’s apology, figuring that since Ezra’d just been upset, not planning to worry them, he didn’t have any real reason to be mad. “It’s alright. I’m just glad Buck found you.” Then, unable to help it, JD threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Ezra in a bear hug. Ezra made an exasperated sighing noise, but JD decided he owed him a hug at least for scaring him like that, and after a second Ezra hugged him back. He pulled away first too, but it was Ezra, so that didn’t bother him at all either. JD sure hadn’t cared about being ‘dignified’ at thirteen, but Ezra thought it was about the most important thing in the world.

“Alright, you’ve seen he’s doing okay, got a couple scrapes Nate needs to take a look at. You wanna help, how about you go and put in a couple of dinner orders in with Inez? Borrow a tray from somebody and bring it back to the boarding house.” JD squawked as Buck reached out and knocked his hat off his head, ruffling his hair so it stuck up every which way before he could duck, and then was shepherding Ezra up the stairs before JD had his hat back on.

Rolling his eyes expressively, even though Buck couldn’t see him anymore, JD called out, “You ever heard of please?” The rogue ignored him, and after watching for a second longer, still so relieved he could whoop with it, he turned and, with a wave at Josiah, jogged across the street-though he looked both ways this time.

He clattered into the saloon, weaving around a pair of drunks who were singing in such slurred voices JD couldn’t understand a single word-he could still tell they were off-key. He rubbed his ear as a particularly screeching note grated across the room, and grinned a little when he saw Inez with a face that said she was considering going for her broom. Sliding into a spot of open counter close to her, JD announced, “Ezra’s back, Buck found him.”

“Si, Senor Vin came in and told me a little while ago.” Popping a bottle down in front of a traveler who still had trail dust falling off him and taking a handful of coins with a smile, Inez continued, “And is the chiquito knowing better now?” She sniffed, “Senor Buck is no prize, but he is far from a cruel man.”

“And Ezra’s practically his kid, everybody says so.” JD shifted back as a snarl came from beside him, as a ranch hand from the McGregor’s knocked into the stranger and swore instead of apologizing, letting the star pinned to the inside of his lapel show. “Hey now, let’s keep it friendly, guys. Leave the fella be, Clyde, he just wants a drink, same as you.” The ranch hand swore again, but staggered off away from the bar, the stranger nodding and sliding down the bar a little.

“He is not the only one everybody says that of.” Inez smiled knowingly at him as red tinged his ears, then inclined her head towards Clyde, “Thank you.”

Shrugging, JD said, “It’s my job. Say, what’s the special tonight? Buck wanted a couple dinners for him and Ezra. I’m supposed to find a tray from somewhere and take it back to the boarding house.”

Inez nodded decisively and called over one of the girls to take over for her. “I will make up a tray for you to take.” JD watched a bit bemusedly as Inez headed for the back, then, as she beckoned him to follow with a wave of her hand, he scrambled to follow her, having to weave and dodge his way to the end of the counter. Maybe she wanted him to taste test…

Twenty minutes later JD all but staggered out of the saloon under the weight of the meal Inez had piled on the tray, belly pleasantly full and anticipating it soon being fuller-there was no way Buck and Ezra would be able to eat it all themselves.

*.*.*.*.*

“Now, you probably want to stay out of the sun for a couple days too,” Nathan said, smearing a thick mixture of herbs and aloe onto the places a mutinously glaring Ezra had missed. His hat and jacket had protected him from the worst of sunburn, but the tops of his cheeks and his nose were a bright red, and his neck, or a broad and uneven strip of it that must have shown between his hat and his jacket, his head hanging from the heat, was scarlet. “Your neck is gonna peel for sure, your nose and cheeks might too.”

“Ah am perfectly capable of applying-” The boy tried to twist away from him, but Nathan had dealt with wilier patients than him before and just moved with him, thickly layering the last half inch of burn on his neck.

“Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”

“Yes, yes, it would be unwise to expose mahself to further of the harsh rays that beat down upon us daily. Such an idea never would’ve occurred to me.” A bit surprised at just how sullen Ezra was being, Nathan regarded him silently for a moment. The kid always gave him trouble, always had a cheeky tongue if he needed tending to, but there was something...angry in him now. It wasn’t the disdain he’d shown him when they first met, until Buck had put a stop to that. Just...anger.

“Ezra, don’t sass the doc,” Buck warned quietly and the teen mumbled something that might have been an apology. Turning away for a minute as Ezra continued to sulk, Nathan found a little pot to put the rest of the salve in and a cloth to tie over the top. Ezra had been quiet and reluctant to let Nathan get a look at him when they’d come in, but he’d let Nathan hug him and exclaim over how glad he was that he’d been found with only a squirm. The longer he’d been in the clinic though, the surlier Ezra had become. Turning back, he held out the pot to Ezra as something of a peace offering, instead of giving it to Buck.

“You’re gonna need to put some of this on in the morning and tomorrow night, and in the meantime you can use it whenever the sunburn gets to bothering you.” Ezra took it without a fuss, but Nathan found himself doubting he had any intentions of using it. “It’ll help with the peeling, too.” If nothing else the boy’s vanity might get him to listen, and the healer had no problem using it.

Ezra’s hands were cleaned and bandaged, and he’d insisted he’d drank heavily from the stream before he’d fallen asleep and then at least a canteen of water after Buck and Vin had found him. Nathan had had him sipping on a cup anyway, and told Buck to keep making him drink. He didn’t like that Ezra had been walking in the sun for so long at all, that he hadn’t had any water all that time was a scary thought. “Well, alright. I reckon you’re pretty hungry and tired after all that, and I ain’t got no more reason to keep you up here.” Ezra nodded and stood up like someone had lit a fire under him.

When Nathan heard the muttered, “No more excuse to torture me with your so called ministrations,” he had a temptation to light a little fire himself, frustrated that a boy he considered as near to a nephew as he had was talking to him like that. He sucked in a deep breath, knowing the kid had had more than a hard day and, combine that with being exhausted, it was no wonder his tongue was sharper than ever. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

“If cleaning scrapes counts as torture I guess I’m a regular professional.” He fixed Ezra with a look, and got a scoffing glare for it. “I was just trying to make sure you were alright, and you should know better than to think I’d ever do something just to hurt you.”

“Well, Ah _don’t_.” The words were snapped, and Nathan found himself reeling back a little, horrified.

“Ezra, that ain’t no way to talk to Nate, especially when he’s been fixing you up,” Buck scolded, surprised and reproachful, “He’s been worried about you and now you’re being nasty to him. I-”

Stiffening, those words breaking a cord Nathan hadn’t even felt until it snapped, Ezra choked out, “No, he was not! Why would he be when you both believe that life would be simpler minus mah presence!” Buck, who’d been leaning against the wall next to the back window had started to push himself up with Ezra’s first shout, but the surprise of the words had him moving like he was wading through quicksand, too slow for the boy who whirled around and snatched the door open, tearing through it. That got Buck moving with a curse, chasing after him, as a slow trickle of realization swept up Nathan’s spine.

Oh, Lord.

They might not have been meant for him, but it had been words coming out of his and Buck’s mouths that had caused all this.

*.*.*

It took Buck, his hat flapping behind him as he darted after Ezra, weaving around the people who were jumping out of the barreling boy’s way, a little longer to remember who’d said those words first.

At the moment, as worried as he was, he was also annoyed that Ezra seemed determined to believe Buck didn’t care for him. He tried to be a decent guy, do his duty, but if he actually didn’t like the kid, didn’t want him around, he wouldn’t have been doing things like taking him fishing or treating him to pie at the restaurant every Sunday. Wouldn’t have loved the hell out of him not just in spite of, but a little bit because, of all the mischief the boy got up to.

Then it hit him, the end of the realization that had started up in the clinic before Ezra had taken off and he’d shot after him, worried he’d end up God knew where.

Ezra had heard what they’d said about Eli. Had thought they were talking about him. Most of him was glaring at and sliding around a fat business man who'd managed to stumble back into his way while trying to get out of it, but the rest was cursing his loose tongue. If they hadn’t been talking bad about one boy, his never would’ve gotten the wrong idea.

Knowing that Ezra had a trick that let him wedge his door shut, Buck put on a burst of speed when his cousin reached the boarding house porch-JD might just be right, he was getting slow in his old age-and leapt up the steps after him-

Only to have the door slam so close to his face he felt it shudder as it hit the frame. His expression darkened at the near miss, but by the time he’d shoved the door open again Buck’s anger had been redirected back at himself. Miss Virginia, looking a bit like the doors had been blown right off their hinges, not just slammed, pointed up the stairs. Buck, already moving that direction, barely took the time to incline his head.

By the time he got up them Ezra’s hallway door had been wedged shut, and when Buck went around to the door that connected their rooms the kid had gotten that one too. The burly man could’ve forced either door open with enough force, but it would be loud, angry sounding, and he could hear the ragged breathing on the other side, close to sobs again. Leaning close, he opened his mouth to try and explain through the door.

Then he heard something he hadn’t expected. “Ezra, what’s wrong? Why’d you jam the doors like that?” JD’s voice was earnest and worried, and it sounded like he was rewarded by Ezra chucking something at him.

“Why are you in mah bedroom? What gives you the right to intrude?!”

*.*.*.*.*

JD lowered his voice a little, instinctively going into the soothing tones he used on horses as he looked at an Ezra that was an entirely different creature than the boy he’d hugged on the boardwalk. Ezra was always composed, or almost always, JD and Vin teased him a little sometimes about how proper he always was-Ezra could be _rude_ in a way that sounded all dignified and that JD secretly admired. He wasn’t sure he’d want to try it, but it was impressive. This Ezra was raw around the edges, and looked like he was was going to start blubbering or screaming, maybe both, any second now.

Also, JD didn’t want something else thrown at his head. “I was bringing back dinner from the saloon, remember?” He pointed over to the bedside table that was currently holding the tray. “What happened, Ez? Did somebody yell at you?” Having got the full story from Vin when he’d been taste testing, he knew Ezra had walked all the way to some little green pocket miles out in the desert, without even a canteen. That did deserve a scolding, but not, JD thought a little crossly, right now when he’d already been so miserable. If Buck or any of the guys had, JD was going to tell them right off, and he didn’t care if he got yelled at back for it.

Ezra kept glaring with eyes that were practically spitting bullets at him for another moment, and then he just...crumpled. Not to the floor or anything, but all his anger just collapsed and he was clearly fighting tears as best he could while still standing like he might spring at JD at any minute. JD knew he wouldn’t. Slowly, not wanting to startle him, he more slid than walked across the floor to Ezra. JD had to swallow at how sad he looked, tears trying to wring their way to his own eyes as he put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder and then pulled him close. “What’s wrong? You can tell me, and I won’t tell anybody if you don’t want me too.”

The younger boy just kept breathing hard, little sounds that were almost, but not quite sobs escaping every once in a while. JD kept telling him he was okay, that it was alright, and rubbing his back in a way that Ezra would’ve shoved him off for regularly, and after awhile he was holding onto JD as much as JD was holding onto him. Buck had been calling through the door off and on, and JD could hear he was working on pushing it open now. Ezra had done something to the hinges of the door to the hallway while JD had still been gaping, but he’d only shoved a wedge under the door that went to Buck’s room. Part of JD wanted to go and unjam the door, because Ezra was starting to cry for real now and the way he was clinging to him was starting to really scare him, but he’d have to push Ezra off of him to do it.

Plus, Buck was saying stuff through the door like, ‘I can explain,’ and, ‘Ezra, it wasn’t how it sounded,’ along with a few, ‘Dammit, JD, let me in’’s, and JD was wondering just what he’d said to get what was basically his little brother acting like his whole world was ending. He scowled. It couldn’t have been anything good.

Maybe, JD gulped, it feeling like a rock had just sunk straight through his stomach, it had been _Buck_ he heard earlier. Ezra couldn't have understood right, Buck never would've said anything like that, JD knew he'd even been talking to the judge about how to keep Ezra with them even if his mother came back for him, but...

'It wasn't how it sounded' sure sounded a lot like Buck had said something that Ezra could've thought meant he was sending him away, and even if it wasn't that, if he'd said something after Ezra was already so upset that was almost even worse.

Only, if Buck had said something to Ezra to upset him so bad, it was probably Buck he needed to hold him, and tell him he didn’t mean it, or Ezra hadn’t understood what he meant, or…

JD didn’t know what to do.

“Ezra? I think Buck really wants to talk to you.”

Ezra gasped in a long breath, making a wet snorting sound that might have been a laugh, before struggling for a minute to force out words, “Well, Ah have no desire to listen to his falsehoods.” JD frowned, because Buck was a storyteller, but he wasn’t a liar-he expected everyone to know his tall tales were half crap, half exaggeration, and whatever he'd said, no matter how bad he felt about it, JD couldn’t imagine he’d be lying afterwards.

“Buck ain’t a liar and I’m-”

“You clearly don’t know Mr. Wilmington as well as you believe,” Ezra started to pull away from him and JD tightened his arms instinctively, “as Ah assure you he has lied most grievously to mah face.” Ezra gave up on pulling away surprisingly quickly for the stubborn kid JD was used to, sagging a little in a way that frightened JD again even as he was annoyed that he was still calling Buck a liar.

“What’d he lie about then? Maybe he just said it wrong?” Apologies were still coming in the door that was slowly being pushed open, the wedge of wood scraping across the floor and scratching it. “C’mon, Ez, tell me, I won’t let nobody be mean to you.” Even if it was Buck, he thought, glaring a little at the door. Buck wasn’t a liar, but JD knew he could be a real pain, and he’d done something really wrong, really terrible, to have Ezra this upset, even if JD was pretty sure he couldn’t have meant to.

“He is going to send me away, he doesn’t want me here.” Ezra was crying just a little, and he sounded defeated, heartbroken, and JD had to swallow.

“No, no, Ezra that’s not true! Buck ain’t gonna send you anywhere, it’s whoever said that that’s the liar! I promise!”

Ezra’s head shook fiercely against his chest, as he blurted, “But he said it! He said things would be simpler without me! And Nathan said he wouldn’t mind seeing the back of me!” JD’s mouth dropped open, disbelief and horror waging war in him-Buck’s voice insisting it wasn’t how it had sounded popping right to the front of his mind. How else could something so horrible have sounded? What was wrong with him? No wonder Ezra had run off!

Sure, he'd been wondering if maybe Ezra hadn't understood something Buck said, maybe even something kind of mean, but he never, never expected to hear anything that awful.

The door finally gave enough that Buck could slide through as JD was still reeling, and he snapped back to reality with a snarl, turning and pulling Ezra with him so he was in between him and Buck. “Get out,” cracked out of his mouth before he could think better of it. Buck faltered for half a second, his body leaning back like JD’s words had been a physical push, but it was only that half a second before he straightened and pressed forward.

“I ain’t going anywhere.” JD glared and opened his mouth again, but Buck had moved quick and was already around by the side of him, hunching down to talk to Ezra, and his quick, plain words had JD glad he hadn’t gotten anything else out. “We were talking about Eli, not you, Ezra. Not ever you. Shouldn’ta been saying that about him either, but I’d never, ever say nothing like that about you, and neither would Nathan. Not ever, son.” Buck reached out for him, hesitant, and Ezra pulled back, shaking his head.

“Ah don’t believe you!”

“It’s the truth. You’re staying right here with me, and that’s right where I want you.” More insistent this time, Buck put a hand on Ezra’s back and started rubbing. JD would’ve gladly passed him over to Buck now that he at least mostly understood what was going on, but Ezra’s hands tightened on him.

“Ez, why don’t you believe Buck? It makes more sense, don’t it?” Ezra shook his head again, and JD hated that, because it should make more, he should know Buck and JD and all of them loved him. He _should_.

But he must not.

“C’mere, Ezra,” Buck pulled Ezra towards him, grabbing him gently by his shoulder, and this time Ezra let him, hands finally loosening on JD, “I gotcha, Bud, and I’m gonna keep you right here with me, I promise, Ez. I promise.”

“No one ever does,” the boy whispered, letting Buck hold him, but not gripping back, “No one ever lets me stay, not forever.”

“Then they were stupid,” JD announced stoutly, Buck chuckling a little at it, somehow sounding sad.

“JD’s right, Ezra, anyone who didn’t see how fine a boy you are probably couldn’t see their nose, let alone see past it.” The teen’s hands started moving, one gripping the back of Buck’s jacket and the other sort of pinwheeling through the air until it found its way to his sleeve. Neither of them moved for a long moment, and, starting to feel out of place, JD slid back to the slightly open door. He stepped back and watched for a moment, then sidled in between the frame and door, squeezing through and trying to be quiet about it, though Buck’s eyes flicking up at him, mouth quirking a quick smile before his attention dropped back to Ezra, told him he hadn’t been quiet enough.

Slipping across the hall to his own room, JD found himself laying down on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, swallowing. It was like he'd said. Ezra should know they all cared for him, loved him, wanted him to stay here with them. But he didn't.

JD didn't know everything Ezra had heard, or maybe he did and Ezra had only heard that little bit-bad enough, with him thinking that Buck and Nathan were talking about him. But, Ezra must not have heard them say anybody's name, or he would've known they weren't talking about him. Which meant that even though he _hadn't_ heard his own name he'd thought they were saying such awful, cruel things about him, and JD had to swallow about how sad and not right that was. 

Ezra still didn't talk a lot about what his life had been like before he came here, a few big stories of 'adventures' that all the guys had heard, or funny bits about odd relatives, but other than that it was mostly little pieces he let slip. JD had thought it was kind of weird at first, how Ezra could talk and talk and never really tell you much of anything you didn't already know, about him at least, but now it just seemed normal.

JD remembered how much he'd yelled at him over that egg, how angry and embarrassed he'd been, not wanting to believe that Ezra hadn't been planning all along to throw it at him, and other times, when he hadn't wanted to have Ezra tagging along, so he'd made some excuse or slipped away.

He remembered times he'd been jealous, hurt, because suddenly Buck had this new kid to care about, and JD had wished Ezra would just go away, that he wasn't here suddenly filling JD's place. Later, he'd realized how stupid that was, that Buck wasn't just going to forget about or replace him, but maybe Ezra had noticed and still remembered, maybe if JD hadn't been such a brat...

Swiping his arm quickly over his eyes, JD nodded to himself decisively. He'd just have to make sure Ezra knew how much JD wanted him around.

He wondered if Casey would care if Ezra went fishing with them on Saturday?

*.*.*.*.*


	7. Chapter 7

Nathan’s feet felt heavy as he dragged them up the church steps, boards groaning a little at his slow steps. He’d just stood there for a long while, in the clinic, shocked and weighed down, and really the only thing that had changed was that he was finally moving.

If he were honest there had probably been more than once that his own thoughts, and even a time or two words, had been less than charitable to Ezra. Had seen the arrogance, the sneakiness, and it had taken him awhile to look deeper. The boy’s attitude when he first arrived, particularly towards Nathan, had given him every excuse in the world to not. In front of the wide, slightly battered, doors, whitewash still shiny from Josiah’s recent touch-up, the healer found himself just staring, drained. If he were really honest, Nathan would admit it wasn’t only Ezra’s attitude that had needed some adjusting. But, never, ever, even at his most irritated and fed-up had he been so callous, so careless, as he’d been when talking about the Raley boy that day. Would never have been. Buck was Nathan’s family, had been for awhile, and Ezra was Buck’s. Hadn’t taken too long for that to come to its natural conclusion.

Acknowledging the twinge of guilt that he’d been so harsh towards Eli, towards any child, really, whether he liked them or not, Nathan wondered if Ezra would ever really, truly, trust any of them. It didn’t seem that it had even occurred to him that they could have been talking about another boy. On the one hand, Nathan moving to start pulling open one of the heavy doors as his thoughts turned, there weren’t too many others around, but on the other, there were a handful he could’ve gone through. Stepping through into the quiet, dark interior of the church as he took off his hat, Nathan pulled the door shut behind him as he let his eyes adjust. Place got dusty enough without him inviting it in. Not hearing anything but his steps as he walked forward, he called out, “Josiah?” in a low, but carrying, tone.

Nothing. Nathan waited another moment, listening, but he already knew the church was empty.

Figured. Josiah would be over at the saloon, and really Nathan should’ve known that. After the scare they’d had the man would be wanting a drink or two, and while he wouldn’t be likely to get drunk with the chance either Buck or Ezra might need him, he wouldn’t be denying himself either. Nathan considered joining him, knew that the others except for Buck would likely be there, or would be there soon. Instead he found himself walking up the rest of the aisle and sinking down in the first pew. Josiah needed to know what had happened, and Nathan would tell him, but his own thoughts could do with some sorting out first. This was a better place than most for that.

He didn’t get more than a few minutes in before he could hear Josiah coming in through the backdoor and straight into his little bedroom. Nathan hesitated, feeling a bit like an intruder now. For some reason he’d expected Josiah to almost sense his presence, to know someone was in the church at least, though it sounded like a ridiculous notion once he’d put the thought into words.

So, of course, that was when Josiah stuck his head out into the small hall the back entrance and two rooms created, and asked, “You needing some more time for reflection or are you going to come back and say hello?” His tone was just a bit teasing, light, and it had Nathan’s lips curving up even as the weight in his stomach stayed the same.

“Suppose I can reflect with company as well as I can by myself.” As he pushed himself up, Nathan stretched a little, more from needing something to do with himself than from any stiffness. Josiah had disappeared back into his room and Nathan could hear him bustling around in there as he walked around the pulpit and the worn bible laid open on it-for in case the Lord’s comfort was needed when he wasn’t around, Josiah always said.

The feeling of being an intruder was gone with his friend’s invitation, but Nathan still felt that knot in his stomach as he stepped through the doorway and saw that the two patched together chairs Josiah had salvaged had been pulled away from the corner they were usually stashed in. It tightened at the idea of telling Josiah that it had been their conversation, overheard somehow, that had sent Ezra running off in such a dangerous way, even as he had to grin at the man currently standing by his dresser, filling a couple of dented tin cups with rot gut. For all Nathan turned to Josiah for guidance, Josiah tended to look first to his bible, then, if that didn’t work, to the closest bottle. Maybe not something that should make Nathan grin, but when the man smiled at him again and held out the cup, he couldn’t help it, even as he shook his head. “Coming back from the saloon to have a drink seems a mite backwards, Josiah.”

“Ah, brother, but you forget-one has to pay at the saloon. And my pockets aren’t any too deep at the moment.” Nathan accepted the cup and took a sip, it would help steady his nerves if nothing else-only to about choke as Josiah concluded, musing into his cup, “Or at any moment.”

Coughing a little as a now concerned preacher pounded him on the back and Nathan tried to shrug him off, he spluttered, “Don’t do that when a man is taking a drink.”

“Hell, brother, didn’t know I was that much of a wit.” Josiah’s eyes were crinkled up around the corners as his concern turned to amusement and Nathan rolled his at him. The older man, having decided he was alright, turned his attention to putting the lid back on the bottle-though Nathan noticed he left it out-and Nathan decided he might as well sit in the offered chair and try and take a drink without coughing it right back up again.

Though rot gut wasn’t an exaggeration, Nathan taking a long sip of something that he didn’t think actually qualified as whiskey and fighting a grimace. Looking up at the bottle on the dresser and seeing the lack of a label he wondered where Josiah had got it, because it sure hadn’t been in the saloon. Chris’s red eye wasn’t half as bad, and it was downright terrible.

He was silent, still not sure how to bring up what he’d learned and not as distracted by thoughts about truly awful whiskey as he might like when Josiah settled himself into the chair next to his and raised an eyebrow. “Got some deep thoughts going on there, brother. Want to share them?” Shifting in his chair and ignoring the ominous sounding creak with long practice, Nathan nodded and then knocked back a slug for courage.

And had to fight not to cough again as it burned its way down. “Jeez, Josiah what is this stuff?”

“Whiskey, what else would it be?” Nathan looked doubtfully down at his glass as Josiah grinned at him. Tossing back a mouthful of his own, Josiah shuddered as it settled and then fixed Nathan with a more serious look. “Now, what’s weighing so heavy on your mind? Our young brethren’s misadventure?”

With a sigh, Nathan decided to just get it over with. "Ezra overheard part of our conversation about Eli this morning. Only, he thought we were talking about him."

There was a pause as Josiah absorbed his words, eyes briefly closing as though they pained him. "And that's why he ran off."

It wasn't a question, but Nathan answered anyway. "Yep. That's why." Staring into the tin cup in his hand, he wished it actually had the answers he was looking for.

***.***

Ezra did his best to compose himself, but it was hard when he was still all but plastered to his cousin. He was not entirely sure he wanted to move, but he was certain that he should. After all, he was thirteen, and had already shed a preposterous amount of tears.

Finally, when the awkwardness began to truly outweigh the comfort, Ezra pulled himself back and Buck let him go, patting softly at his shoulder as he leaned away. Ezra waited uneasily for his cousin to say something. Much had been explained with the knowledge that it was Eli the older men had been talking about-not that it wasn't patently unkind of them to be so critical of Eli-but things still had a sense of rawness to them that Ezra would rather like to go away. With Mother, anything this emotional would’ve been swept under the rug as soon as it passed, and that seemed rather preferable to what he was sure would be Buck hovering over him for days.

For just a moment he longed for the press of his mother’s arms and her perfume. It had been so long.

Shaking his head, Ezra reminded himself that his mother wasn’t here, and that she would likely have had far less patience for any running off than his cousin if she had been. She  _ would  _ have looked for him, or rather hired someone to do so, but she would have been furious once he was located.

She would have held him first, just as Cousin Buck had when he’d been found, Ezra was sure of that, if only of that.

Forcing down the unbidden question of whether Mother would have been as worried as Buck had been, Ezra did his best to sense what his cousin would do next. “You think you’re up for us talking a bit more about this?” It was only partially a question, Buck's eyes expectant as he finished climbing to his feet and resettled a large hand on Ezra’s shoulder. 

“Ah believe most of the particulars have already been hashed out.” He did his best to sound confident, but was under no illusions that he had succeeded. Buck nodded a little, but then shook his head in the same movement and Ezra found himself surprised at how wrong-footed it left him feeling. His cousin had assured him thoroughly that he had been entirely mistaken in the words he overheard, and despite himself Ezra believed him.

What else was there to discuss?

He _had_ ventured out of town without informing anyone…and neglected the basic safety measure of bringing his canteen. Swallowing, the boy hung his head and missed the confused frown on Buck’s face. It was impossible to miss being pushed lightly in the direction of his bed, and braving a glance at Buck, Ezra was no more enlightened than he had been as his cousin certainly didn’t _seem_ stern. Solemn perhaps, but not severe. “Seems to me, that if everything was as clear between us as it should be you might’ve thought twice before thinking we were talking about you.”

Externally, Ezra did his best to keep his face smooth, but internally he’d just blinked in surprise. It was better than the scolding he had been anticipating, surely, but what in the world was he supposed to say to that? Ezra always had something to say, somethin g clever that could demonstrate his point, something smooth and witty to impress looker-ons. But he could think of nothing adequate to either answer Buck’s question or to change the subject to something more pleasant. Not that Buck, gesturing for Ezra to take a seat on the bed, seemed to expect an answer from him. 

Truly, until he had heard that dreadful conversation Ezra had not doubted that his cousin enjoyed his company. Not since shortly after he'd come to stay. Buck was always so cheerful, always so enthusiastic about whatever Ezra had to tell him, and he had stayed that way long after many of his other relatives would have grown sick of his presence.

But…

It had been eight months now he'd resided in Four Corners, and suddenly Ezra could hear his mother's voice reminding him that it was never wise to wear out one's welcome...

“Pard? Think I lost you for a minute there?” Slightly dismayed that Buck was at least partially correct, while he had been aware of his cousin settling next to him he had been intent enough on his thoughts that he hadn’t actually reacted to it, Ezra pulled off what he thought was a perfectly casual shrug. 

“Ah believe mah journey may be catching up to me. Mr. Jackson did recommend rest as well as hydration.”

Buck’s face took on a twinge of knowing that Ezra found both frustrating and reassuring. So much for perfectly casual. Mother would have told him he was slipping, for someone without their ‘natural gifts’ to be able to read him, but, well…part of him rather liked that Buck could. “That is true, Hoss, but we need to do a little more talking first.” Shifting slightly, still expecting that this continued talking would be unpleasant, either in ways he could predict and dreaded, or worse, in ways he could not predict that would slice deepest, Ezra bit his tongue against the torrent of protests he could feel building in the back of his throat. “Now,” his cousin seemed nervous, Ezra realized. Not in any large way, but it was there, lurking in the back of the tall man’s eyes, in the way he let his hands fall across his lap.

He didn’t care for that. While he was well aware that there were probably innumerable reasons for his cousin to have some apprehension none that Ezra could think of were remotely reassuring.

“Now,” Buck repeated himself and Ezra sat on tenterhooks, “by blood we’re cousins, kind of distant ones at that,” it felt as though the blood Buck was speaking of had stilled in Ezra’s veins, “but the truth is you’ve come to mean a lot more to me than just the blood between us. Even if we weren’t related at all I’d still want you with me, because you’re family and blood doesn’t have all that much to do with that as far as I’m concerned.”

Fighting a flush at the sentiment, Ezra found himself searching for words he didn’t have and wouldn’t know how to use if he had located them. What Buck was saying was extraordinary, yet at the same time it was a logical conclusion if Ezra believed what he had said and implied in his earlier explanation. His eyes found their way to his lap without his having allowed it and a loose string on his quilt made a useful distraction for his fingers.

He did have faith that Buck had been speaking truthfully, he  _ did _ -so why was his heart hammering in his chest? Why was his mouth dry and  _ why  _ couldn’t things just go back to how they were before this dreadful day?

To Ezra's undying horror a small noise that one could interpret as a sniffle left his nose and he did his best to halt the possibility of anymore by sucking in a slow breath and holding it briefly. Of course, this did not solve the problem of coming up with some sort of answer for his cousin. It felt as though the man had stopped speaking ages ago. Surely, it had only been a few seconds-yet, it might as well have been hours.

Ezra opened his mouth, knowing he had to say something, but entirely uncomfortable with the only real possibilities he could think of. A mad scramble to analyze everything his cousin had said and make sure Ezra was not misinterpreting it in a way that would cause later inconveniences was occupying a large portion of his brain, leaving room for little else. Telling himself that it was unnecessary had little effect on such an ingrained habit. Buck’s arm moved to lay across his shoulders, and his voice, soft and husky, soothed, “Aw, heck, pard, I guess I ain’t saying none of this right at all. I’m trying to tell ya I love you like my own boy, and that’s just the way it is, not something that can change once it happens. Do you understand, Ezra?”

Ezra swallowed. He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady even as he did not entirely choose the next words that came out of his mouth. “Like JD?” There was a pause, and then Buck’s arm was pulling him even closer, his chin coming to rest on Ezra’s head.

“Yeah, Ez. I got two boys I love a whole lot, and reckon I'm about the luckiest man this side of Dixie 'cause of it."


	8. Chapter 8

Chris sat quietly at the Seven’s usual table, facing the door and waiting for Vin to make his way over from the bar. People were getting rowdy, laughing and singing, showing off, but the crowd left a circle of space around where the man in black rested, seemingly without even really thinking about it.

When he’d rode into town earlier Josiah had been standing on the church porch waiting for him, the relaxed smile on the preacher’s face letting Chris know the news before he’d pulled Pony to a stop in front of him. Didn’t keep the big man from announcing it, voice booming, “Our wandering lamb has returned home, a shepherd in rawhide leading the way.”

Funny how relief still shot through him, for all he’d known from that smile. Funny how all the ways this could’ve ended bad kept running through his head.

Vin needed to hurry up with that bottle. Not that Chris was going to be getting drunk tonight, well, at least not until the day was a lot later and something else wasn’t liable to jump up and bite him in the ass, but a good stiff drink was exactly what he needed. He grinned a little as he saw Vin finally start weaving his way back from the bar, blushing as one of the girls stopped him, running a finger down his arm. Vin’s cheeks went a deep pink and he murmured out his answer while still inching his way towards the table, but Chris noticed the pleased look in his eyes and the way he glanced back over his shoulder before he sat down.

“Reckon you’re a regular hero,” Chris teased, nodding his head towards the woman and earning himself a scowl from the still pink cheeked tracker. Inez had sung the man's praises when he’d told her Ezra had been found and it seemed the story was going to get him attention for awhile. Knowing this town there’d be a version where the boy had been kidnapped by bandits floating around before too long. People would be amazed to see Vin up and about, after hearing how he’d nearly died and all.

“Ya jealous, Larabee?” Cracking the seal on the whiskey bottle, fancy enough that Chris had a feeling it was a reward from Inez-Vin was too tight fisted to spend nearly half a day’s wages on one bottle-Vin grinned cockily at Chris. Chris snorted, showing what he thought of the tracker’s words then snagged the bottle the second he put it down. Vin muttered something about greedy old men, but let him, and, making a note to get him back for that old comment, Chris poured a good two fingers of the amber liquid into his waiting glass.

Vin got quiet after that-thinking quiet, not just not making noise quiet, because Vin was silent half the time anyway. Not only didn’t speak just to hear himself talk, but for a man who needed activity as much as he did could sit, still and calm, whether watchful or content, for far longer than even those who knew how still he could be would bet on.

Though, the thought bringing a small smile to Chris’s lips, Ezra certainly would know better than to take that bet. Boy might be as foolish as any other in some things, or worse, considering today, but he could spot the odds of just about anything in less time than it would’ve taken most folks to figure out what they were looking at.

Not that that was necessarily a quality you wanted a thirteen year old to have.

A slight shift of his friend’s shoulders brought Chris’s attention back to him, and, leaning forward to catch Vin’s eye, Chris quirked an eyebrow in a silent question. It took a moment for him to get an answer, Vin a little reluctant, but eventually the younger man muttered, “Imagine if Eli hadn’t said anything?”

Chris had had that thought, that what if, running through his head a couple times since Ezra had been found. Wincing a little, he inclined his head slightly, acknowledging the possibility and the fear it put in the pit of his stomach. On the one hand, he knew what ifs and could’ve beens often did nothing but torment you, but on the other, with Ezra safe, thinking it over might give them a way to prevent it. Stop it from happening again.

Well, once Buck got what had happened out of the kid they could take care of that pretty easy. Buck would have first go, of course, but Chris wanted to have his say. Had to have been something somebody said to him, boy was fanciful, but not the type to conjure a fear like that out of nowhere. They’d get to the bottom of it. If nothing else, making sure Ezra didn’t even think about leaving town without a canteen, no matter how upset he was, had to happen. Today had likely taught him that, but if it hadn’t, Chris figured one of them asking him if he had it if he so much as looked in the direction of the desert would likely get the boy so sick of it he’d just start carrying it all the time. Which, with the mischief he got up to wasn’t a bad idea in the first place.

Vin shifted in his chair, boot scraping a little on the floor and drawing Chris’s attention back to him. Man was staring down at the table, but he wasn’t really seeing it, thoughts too heavy for that. Chris watched him for another moment, then, voice not much more than a murmur, let a, “Hey,” drift across the table. When Vin’s clear gaze met his, he said simply, “He’s home. He’s safe.” That got him a nod, a bit of renewed relief, but as Vin looked away, down at the glass he’d mostly just been holding, Chris could see shadows in his eyes again.

Still. Things would work themselves out. Maybe not right away, but none of them were going anywhere. They’d figure it out in the end.

*****

His cousin a warm weight against his side, Buck was relieved that the kid finally seemed to believe him, the last lingering doubts having faded as they talked. He grinned a little sadly over the boy’s last question, ‘Like JD?’, and just how lucky he really was. Two boys and a whole passel of brothers, man was lucky he didn’t trip over them. Wasn’t too long ago that Buck had thought he’d never get a chance at something this good again.

Still, just because Ezra was no longer fearing being sent away, that didn’t change the fact that he’d thought it in the first place. Didn’t mean Buck wasn’t going to have to keep making sure he knew that was never gonna happen. Eight months wasn’t that long, he knew-hell, some days it seemed like Ezra had only gotten to Four Corners yesterday. Other times, though, it felt like he’d always been here. Like there had been a spot waiting, just his size, in their little band of lost souls. Buck knew darn well it wasn’t just the newness of it that had had Ezra so ready to believe they’d gotten sick of him, that having him around was trouble. Would be a hell of a lot easier to pretend it was right now, but you didn’t get to forty something without realizing that sometimes doing what was easy now just meant dealing with what was hard later, when it had had time to grow. Misunderstood words or not, there were a lot more insecurities brewing under his boy’s skin than he’d have ever imagined. “Ez?” He felt the boy shift, pulling away so he could look at him, and made sure his arm didn’t slip off his shoulders.

“Yes, Cousin Buck?” Buck wasn’t sure if the title was Ezra sticking to old habits because he was still feeling uncertain, or if it was the boy’s way of staking his claim-maybe a little bit of both-but he figured another quick squeeze around the shoulders couldn’t hurt.

“Those other folks, you know,” He jostled his arm a bit, going for playful, “the stupid ones, you have to deal with a lot of those?” Buck was rewarded with a brief smirk at the reminder of JD’s declaration, but then Ezra’s face faded back into quiet solemnity. Buck guessed he just wasn’t up to putting on his ‘poker face’ and was glad of it. He needed all the help he could get.

“Ah have stayed with quite a few relatives or friends of Mother’s.” There was a pause then, the boy who normally had something to say about everything, and a lot of it, hesitated, hoping maybe that Buck would take the conversation over, but he just waited. Ezra had a tendency to want to fill up the air and Buck was hoping to get a little more out of him than that before he put his two cents in again. His cousin shifted a bit, and then sure enough, started again. “While some were certainly as doltish and crude as JD suggested, Ah do not believe all of them can be tarred with the same brush. Mrs. Dansforth was the head of a prestigious finishing school for young ladies, Ah stayed there for most of the year Ah was eight.”

Ignoring the misdirection, as Ezra had certainly known that wasn’t what he meant by stupid, Buck asked quietly, “Was she nice to you?” The pause before the answer came told him before any words were spoken.

“She went to great personal pains in order to educate and care for me despite it being far from her specialty or interest, and…” Buck lost track of Ezra’s words briefly, his mind gnawing over the phrase ‘great personal pains’, wondering if that was something his dictionary swallowing cousin had come up with on his own. He didn’t think so. It sounded too, not rehearsed, but it had tripped off the boy’s tongue like he’d memorized it.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, as he didn’t have a clue what to say, Ezra’s stomach rumbled and reminded them of the cooling food waiting under a cover. It would still be plenty tasty, even if piping hot was a dream of the past. He nudged Ezra gently and asked, “Ready to eat, Pard?” Leaping on the distraction, the boy nodded and pulled away from Buck, attempting a grin.

"Mah stomach seems to believe it is past time."

"Can't have that now, can we?" Gently tousling hair Ezra immediately moved to fix, Buck pushed himself up and headed for their dinner.

******

Whiskey forgotten, a fierce game of checkers was now being battled out in the church’s small backroom, battered board propped across a wide barrel Josiah had rescued from somewhere. Nathan’s eyes narrowed in concentration before he jumped Josiah’s king, making sure he wasn’t missing something. Harrumphing as he saw the trap the preacher had laid for him-he _knew_ there was a reason he’d left that piece vulnerable-Nathan moved another piece instead, creating a nice blockade and smirking a little when Josiah muttered a particular word under his breath.

A few moves further into the game, it still a neck and neck race, Josiah, head half bent over the board, stated as a fact, “Something else is still weighing on your mind, Nathan.”

Not expecting that at all, his own eyes equally glued to the board and the distraction it provided, it took Nathan a minute to gather his thoughts enough to respond, leaning back in his chair as he did. Josiah was right, of course. He always seemed to be, at least when it came to what _other_ people were feeling.

Suddenly tired, Nathan scrubbed at one eye with a palm and sighed. “You know what it is already too?” It came out a mite more sarcastic than he’d meant it to, but Josiah, looking up at him, just grinned. Then he kinged himself again, dang the man, waiting patiently afterwards for Nathan to make his next move, whether it was with words or on the checkerboard. He found both at around the same time, jumping two of Josiah’s pieces without ceremony and saying plainly, “I’ve been feeling like I judged the Raley kid too quick. Bad first impression, and then I got protective I guess, thinking he was a bad influence on Ezra. I’m still not sure he isn’t, but wild and bad aren’t the same thing, Buck was right about that.”

“And you were pretty impressed earlier that he came to you to help Ezra.” It was a statement, not a question, as Josiah frowned in concentration, a finger resting lightly on the checker he was about to move. From anyone else Nathan might have found the presumption of how he had felt annoying, but that was just Josiah.

“I was. Doesn’t change the fact that he’s _too_ wild, but like this morning-turns out, he wasn’t the only one of the older boys telling scary stories to the little ones, even if his were the ones that had little Dolly up with night terrors.” Nathan hadn’t actually known that until after he’d gone back to the Pritchard homestead late this morning with a few packets of soothing tea he’d made up special so it wouldn’t be too strong for the little girl and heard a more complete story than he’d gotten from her frazzled and upset father when he’d shown up on his porch at four in the morning. Still, he found himself cringing over what he’d said this morning, how he’d assumed it had to have been malicious, not just stupid or thoughtless.

“Which of the older boys were involved?” Josiah asked, frowning in concern. “Ezra?”

“Yes and maybe no,” Nathan shook his head, “Gil said Dolly told him that Ezra made the others stop their ‘fright contest’ when she started to cry. But, he was still there and I have a hard time imagining he didn’t join in with something involving both stories and contests.”

“No, something like that would be like a flame to a moth,” Josiah’s voice was dry, and maybe a touch amused. “Still, I ima…”

Nathan’s head came up, eyes tracking towards the sudden scraping noise from outside. Josiah, trailing off mid word, had his face set in serious lines as the two men made eye contact. It was late for someone to come by the church, but not unheard of. For someone to sneak up outside the back, though…

Josiah was closer to the back of the church and made his way to his feet carefully, Nathan right behind him. The preacher rambled off another sentence or two before they’d moved too far, not wanting whoever it was to realize they’d been heard by the sudden silence, but Nathan found he could only mutter some agreeing noises as his hand moved down to one of the knives in his belt. The last thing they needed was any kind of trouble, and, if it was trouble, the sorts of folks that would start something at a church weren’t the type Nathan would ever want to turn his back on. They made it through the back hallway, trying to move quiet and smooth, but not so silent for it to seem strange. It hadn’t been too long ago Vin'd had to track down a wounded coyote that had been making trouble, ate a few chickens and snarled and snapped at the Vechett boy, and it was probably a sign of how often they dealt with dangers of the human variety that Nathan found himself thinking that something like that would be preferable.

They were at the back door now, both listening for the noises that had been coming intermittently as they moved. A muffled word, maybe a curse, proved it was a person. Eyes met as two sets of ears realized how young that voice sounded. Too young, even in the wilds of the west that could make a man old, make him bitter before his time, to belong to someone looking to rob a church.

Lips pursing, Nathan pulled his hand away from his sheath. He wasn't sure why, or what the fool boy thought he was doing, but he was getting the idea that it was Eli out there, skulking around. After he’d been feeling bad for calling him a troublemaker. Nathan shook his head, weary all over again. If it was, he was letting Josiah deal with it, that boy had gotten all the patience out of him that he felt capable of today. That well was dry.

As dark as it was getting he couldn’t imagine that it was any of the town youngin’s back there. Josiah, rather than swinging the door open suddenly, reached out and grabbed the third of the lamps he’d lit earlier from where it was hanging, turning up the flame a bit. After sharing another look with Nathan, this one filled with consternation, he undid the latch, turned the knob and gently pushed the door open. Yep. As Josiah lifted the lantern there was no doubt about who was out there. “Eli Raley, does your mother know where you are?” Josiah’s deep voice was stern, and Eli, who had been hunkering himself down to one side of the steps, up against the wood pile froze as the preacher lifted the lantern so that it shone down on him. Nathan almost snorted at the kid thinking that would work as a hiding place.

“Um…” The boy looked guilty enough to make the answer more than obvious.

He seemed reluctant to reply and Josiah pressed, “I asked you a question, young man,” just a hint of a growl in his voice. Eli, gulping and blushing in the lamp light, stood straight and reached for a hat he wasn’t wearing.

At night. Boy didn’t have a lick of sense.

“No, sir,” Eli shook his head, “I ain’t been home since I came to town.” Big arms crossed over the preacher’s chest and Nathan was almost tempted to feel sorry for the boy as Josiah’s mouth opened to let out a, no doubt lengthy, sermon.

***

After they’d eaten their fill and then some, Buck pondered on the last thing he had to say, mulling it over as they stacked dishes. Telling the boy he was family, his boy as far as Buck was concerned and always had a place here with him was one thing-telling him he wanted to make it official like, so that Maude couldn't take him away, was different. The boy loved his Ma, and while from what Buck could tell she'd given him nearly as much reason to hate her as she had to love her, she had given him reason to love her.

The thought, fierce and unexpected, 'She better love him as much as he loves her," tore through Buck's mind then and he had to fight to keep the scowl off his face. Picking up the heavy tray from the hastily cleared nightstand they'd used as a dining table, Buck carried it over to Ezra's dresser and, careful of the knickknacks spread over it, left it for later.

Sitting back down beside the watchful boy, Buck took a deep breath, then winced when the ever perceptive Ezra stiffened. “Now don’t go worrying, I don’t got anything bad to say.”

Ezra nodded slightly, saying, “Ah was not worried, merely curious as Ah could tell you had something more to discuss.” Bull, plain and simple, but Buck wasn’t about to call him on it, instead chucking him on the shoulder slightly and then slinging an arm around him.

“Of course, I should’ve known.” Ezra gave him a look, clearly seeing that Buck hadn’t actually bought it and not appreciating either that or being humored. “Now, you know I want you to stay here with me. You’re my family, as good as my kid, and I love you and I like you, a whole heck of a lot, and I think I got that through your stubborn head earlier. Hope so, anyway.” Ezra rolled his eyes and acted valiantly as though his cheeks weren’t turning red, but let Buck squeeze him without a word of complaint. “But, I’ve been thinking, it might be time to talk to the judge about making it more permanent like.” Buck sat, holding his breath without ever deciding to, as he waited for his cousin to break the silence that was growing heavier around them. Not wanting to push Ezra, he kept silent even as it felt like the wondering was about strangling him.

“Do…do you mean you’d ad-become mah legal guardian?” The words were very careful, very measured, none of the wild rabbit stillness he could feel in Ezra’s frame making it into them. As much as Buck had wanted to be holding the boy when he asked, now he wished he were facing him, so he could see into those eyes that could tell you more than Ezra’s face ever would. Either one would be fine with him, adoption, guardianship, none of it would change who Ezra was to him, or his spot in their family. Just make it so nobody, not even his mama, could yank him away.

“That’s exactly what I mean. I meant it when I said this is your home, pard. If I was your legal guardian it’d give me more say in how you’re brought up, and make sure I can keep you here-“

“Even if Mother comes for me.” It was a statement and a question, something to be yearned for and something to be feared, and this time every bit of that came through in Ezra’s voice, and Buck wasn’t sure what to say, squeezing the boy closer to him as he racked his brain for the right words.

“Well…yeah, pard,” He finally got out, stumbling over the words more than he liked. “I’d never stop you from seeing her, I know you love each other and she’s your family as much as I am.” Not more, not after eight months of Ezra worming his way into Buck’s heart, but as much as, that he would give Maude. “But not only do I just plain want you here with me and the rest of the boys, I get the feeling that traveling around all the time doesn’t quite agree with you the way it does her. That you want a home, and I, I wanna give you one. Not just until she comes back, but forever.” Buck knew that Ezra had been pressed against his side a second ago, but suddenly the boy was burying himself in his chest, squeezing himself as close as he could go. Not saying anything, just pressing himself close and breathing hard. Buck adjusted his arms so he could hold the boy properly, but wasn’t too surprised that only a few seconds after he managed that Ezra started to pull back, looking at his knees, embarrassed. Been a lot of emotion and affection going around for the slightly reserved boy, and Buck pulled away some himself, letting one hand drop to his side as the one closest to Ezra moved to rest lightly on the back of his neck. “Guessing I can take that as a yes?”

“Ah believe that would be quite satisfactory.” His head barely moved, but eyes still a bit too nervous for Buck’s liking, even with the hope he could see pooled up in there too, looked sideways at him, watching his face and Buck let his smile widen, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Well, alright. I’ll get a letter sent out to the judge tomorrow. For now, if you aren’t too sleepy, why don’t we play a hand of rummy before turning in?” To Buck’s surprise, there was no easing of shoulders or a quick grin sliding his way, followed by a request for poker. Instead, Ezra looked first blank, then as though all the air had been sucked right out of him.

When the quick grin came it was brittle, fake, and when Ezra said, “Ah appreciate the offer, but fear the draw Ah feel towards Morpheus would prove a fatal handicap to mah abilities, and thus must turn down your gracious invitation,” Buck listened carefully to every word, and then shook his head, not buying it, and shifted around just a bit so he could look at Ezra more head on.

“I don’t think so, Pard. What’s wrong that you aren’t telling me?” The question of _why_ he didn’t want to tell him, Buck kept to himself, even as it tugged at the tip of his tongue. His feelings weren’t what was important right now, though he wouldn’t lie to himself that they didn’t sting a bit. Ezra had already gathered himself from the surprise of either not being believed or played along with, and was giving Buck a far too convincing innocently confused look as he shrugged his shoulders.

That the yawn that escaped him a moment later was completely natural would have sealed the deal if Buck had been buying into the act at all. Luckily for Ezra, he wasn’t. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me, Ez.” For just another moment his cousin kept the almost too perfect act up, but then Ezra sighed and it slipped away like a shadow when the candle moves.

“Ah lost mah cards. They’re gone forever.” A resigned, defeated mumble added this new misery to Ezra’s day and Buck ached for the kid. Those cards, somehow still in decent shape after years of being carted around in Ezra’s pocket, meant the world to him and Buck wished like anything he could fix it for him.

Maybe…

“If you lost them on your way out of town we might be able to find them, going back over your trail. Or,” he corrected remembering what Nathan had said about Ezra keeping out of the sun, “Vin might be best, to make sure-”

“No,” Ezra’s head shook slowly, words dragging out of his mouth, “lost was somewhat of a misnomer. They are destroyed.” The tight swallow that followed the words showed Buck that Ezra was trying like anything to keep himself together, and the part of him that wanted to scoop the boy close again probably wouldn’t help with that, or be appreciated. Asking for details would just make him think again on something he was clearly trying to forget. Instead he rubbed the thumb of the hand still draped across the kid’s neck slowly back and forth, trying to think of the right words to say.

“I’m real sorry that happened, Ezra. I know they were special to you.” A shrug, harsh and quick enough it would’ve knocked Buck’s hand loose if he hadn’t half been expecting it. Buck nodded to himself. “Why don’t you come with me.” Not sure adding anything else would be helpful, he stood up from the bed and held out a hand to Ezra, hoisting him up when the boy reluctantly took it. Knowing curiosity would be enough now that Ezra was on his feet, Buck headed out of the room, slow enough that the brief hesitation before Ezra trailed after him only had him a pace or two behind. He wasn’t sure if this would help or not, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to try.

If he was wrong about that, well, he’d fix it.

******

Ezra paused in Buck’s doorway, watching as the tall man marched to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Curiosity warred with belief that there was nothing his cousin could produce that could cut the sting of losing his most prized possession, and kept him stuck there, unable to move closer or retreat away. After a minute of searching a muttered, “Uh-huh, there you are,” and Buck pulling his hand out with a small package almost entirely concealed in it had Ezra pressing forward without being aware of it, interest overtaking wariness as he realized it was still neatly wrapped in brown paper, and therefore could potentially be any number of things. Small things, to be sure. Buck turned his direction and grinned a little when he saw him hovering a few steps into the room, beckoning him forward. “Picked these up for you awhile ago, reckon now’s a good time to hand them over.” A present. For _him_.

The last of his hesitancy flying out the window, Ezra was across the floor in a minute, avidly examining the little box when Buck pressed it into his hands. Fairly certain he knew from the size and weight what it was, but not absolutely secure in his prediction, Ezra considered gently opening the package and easing the paper off to prolong the unveiling.

Then he ripped it right off instead, Buck chuckling as he watched. Exactly as he’d expected, a deck of cards was revealed. He swallowed, as even in his excitement the new package solidified that his old deck was irretrievably lost. Still, his cousin had picked these out for him, and determined to enjoy the rarity of a gift that was not for Christmas or his birthday, Ezra forced himself to concentrate on the matter at hand. Flipping it over to see the front of the box Ezra’s eyes widened. He would not have expected from the slightly rough feel of the package for there to have been such artwork on the front, but a riverboat sailing down a blue that must’ve been the Mississippi stared back at him.

It was perfect. Faultless, even where the blue was more a muddled brown from ink smearing down from the print of the boat. Exactly the sort of purchase Ezra would never have been able to resist if he’d laid eyes on it-and Buck had seen it and known that that was so, and bought this beautiful present for him. “Thought you’d like that-now the cards inside ain’t quite as pretty, but if we’re gonna play ourselves a game it’s time to pull them out.” Still overwhelmed, staggered really by how what had been a disastrous day had turned into something almost too phenomenal to be believed, twice now, Ezra managed to toss a smile up at Buck, fingers running over the edge of the picture. Then gently, careful with the stiff paper, he eased the box open and let the deck slide into his hand.

They were new and sharp, crisp at the edges, and even if they weren’t quite as high end as the deck Mother had given him years ago, even if they couldn’t be quite the same, or give him the same thrill of memories, good and bad, that his old deck did, that didn’t keep his heart from swelling as he glided his hands over the colorful pasteboard. He didn’t miss his old treasure any less, but he almost cradled this unexpected gift close as he grinned up at his cousin. “Rummy, is it? Are you sure Ah can’t interest you in a more lucrative game?


	9. Chapter 9

Somehow, despite that dry, dry well Nathan still found himself riding out to the Raley place; a lantern held aloft as night had come full on by now and the moon was just a sliver, a sheepish looking boy trailing after him.

He should be sheepish, with that fool plan he’d rattled off about sleeping in the livery and leaving his poor mama to worry herself all night. If Josiah hadn’t torn such a thorough strip off him Nathan might have added a few meaningful words of his own, but as it was he just concentrated on making sure the pool of light was covering enough ground that they could easily pick their way along.

They were nearly to the small farm, the house just visible over a low rise, when a quiet, but hopeful voice piped up behind him, calling, "Mr. Jackson?" Nothing else, even when Nathan cocked his head the boy's direction. Pulling up on the reins just enough to slow Brevet, he looked properly at Eli.

"We're almost to your place." Eli was tired, no doubt, and maybe even a little cowed, but he seemed just fine beyond that. Nathan figured he should talk to Mrs. Raley and let her know what had happened, but after that his responsibility would be done and he could head towards his own bed.

Right about now even that extra cot he kept for when the clinic was full up sounded good, his bed sounded like heaven. If the boy could just keep until he got him to his mother…

But in the pale lantern light Eli was biting his lip, looking like whatever was on his mind was about to burst out of him. With an internal sigh, Nathan nodded at him in encouragement and waited. “While, I was thinking…Mr. Sanchez and you were right, my ma would’ve been awfully worried if I spent the night in town.” A hint of a bashful smile, one that looked an awful lot like one of Ezra’s practiced innocent faces-Nathan wondered if they were comparing notes-and the boy blurted out the rest of his hope, “And even just knowing I was planning to might scare her pretty bad, and I’d sure hate to do that…” The boy trailed off, expression hopeful and Nathan just stared back. Yep, that well of patience was dry as a bone right about now.

“I know you aren’t asking me to go along with lying to your Ma.” Eli’s mouth opened in protest, but Nathan cut him off. “That would be a wicked thing to do, and neither one of us is doing it.” Just plain done, he faced forward on Brevet and clicked his tongue to get the horse moving again. He listened to make sure Toby’s footfalls were continuing behind him, but didn’t look back at Eli.

Lying.

A grimace crossed his face as he considered whether that was one bad habit Eli  _ had  _ picked up from Ezra.

*.*.*.*.*

Buck used the hand Ezra wasn’t half on top of to brush the hair out of his boy’s eyes, the usually carefully combed strands hanging loose as his cousin sagged onto him. He was rewarded with an annoyed grumble, the word infant squeezed in there, probably the usual complaint about not being one; Buck had thought the kid had nodded off, but it seemed he wasn’t quite there yet. Which meant he should probably hold in the sigh the size of the Grand Canyon that wanted to escape out of him.

He’d known from watching that being a parent was about the hardest thing a person could do. Most joyful thing, but that didn’t keep it from being so hard it could kill you. Thing was, Buck swallowing the lump in his throat at the memories, when a child was raised up from the start with nothing but love and kindness poured into them, folks who would’ve tried to yank the moon down from the sky if he asked, there weren’t so many scars and broken promises to trip on. Ezra didn’t have that blind faith that the people taking care of him wanted what was best for him, and why should he? Buck didn’t know Maude that well, and at first he’d figured life had just been awful rough. God knew that for all his mother had tried, she hadn’t been able to protect him from everything, hadn’t been able to shield him from the bad side of growing up in a brothel. Most folks wouldn’t have believed there was a good side.

The more Buck got to know his cousin, the more he wondered if Maude had even tried. Had even bothered. She might not’ve made a living the way his Mama had, but Maude was from the ‘fallen’ side of the family, he never would’ve met her otherwise, and he’d wondered just how she made her living-her stories didn’t hold water when you really thought about them. A week or two of Ezra around and Buck found he had a good idea, and gambling was only a small part of it.

A soft snore hit his ear, but Buck didn’t move. He told himself that he was worried about waking Ezra up, but the truth was he just didn’t want to let go of him yet. The kid was fine, or would be with rest and staying out of the sun, but this had been too close. Anything could’ve happened, and for all he didn’t want to, a scolding, if a little one, on going off into the desert without telling anyone, especially without a canteen, was in Ezra’s future. Buck couldn’t let it go, couldn’t even say he really wanted to, not when he’d scared him this bad. Of course, that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it either.

Hard, that’s what it was. Looking after a kid. Harder than tortoise shell, and not as easy to polish up pretty, either.

Still worth it.

*.*.*.*.*.*

“Eli!” Judging from the way the woman hurried out of the porch chair she’d been sitting in and rushed down the steps, Mrs. Raley had already worried herself into a tizzy. Nathan slowed Brevet and let Eli move ahead of him, the boy swinging off Toby before the amiable horse had completely stopped. “What happened? Where have you been? You _said_ you were going for a swim almost half a day ago!”

Eli, his face lit by the porch light now, seemed to start in surprise, and then, a guilty expression that had a lot more to it than the sheepish one he’d been wearing for a while appearing, blurted out, “I’m sorry, Ma! I forgot you didn’t know I’d gone to town!” Nathan had dismounted by now, but stayed back, letting the two talk. As he scratched Brevet’s nose, Nathan shook his head. After expecting the boy only gone for an hour or two, he found himself wondering, a mite uncharitably he supposed, why she hadn’t looked for him-or if she had and hadn’t found him, why she hadn’t come into town herself? Did they only have the one horse?

“You forgot? What in the world could’ve made you forget? What’ve you been doing?” She was looking Eli up and down for injuries now, fussing at him and pushing him more into the light as she checked his arms and he tried to squirm away and insisted he was fine. The pleading look Eli sent back at Nathan reminded Mrs. Raley that she had a guest in her yard, and still keeping Eli close to her, she turned to Nathan with a tired, and just slightly shaky, smile, “Evening, Mr. Jackson. It was awful nice of you to bring Eli home.”

“Evening, Mrs. Raley.” Nathan tipped his hat and then drew it to his chest as he stepped forward to greet her, “It wasn’t any trouble,” not entirely true, but he didn’t want the woman to dismiss him out of hand, “but I do think Eli has some things to tell you about why he was in town so late.”

Her gaze traveled back to Eli, concerned exasperation warring with relief, and she simply said, “Well, Eli?”

The boy hemmed and hawed, blushing, and finally, voice almost coaxing his mother not to be upset, started, “Well, Ezra was real, real upset, and then he was trying to run away maybe, I ain’t quite sure, but I was so worried about him-and he’s my best friend Ma, and I couldn’t come home until I knew he was alright!” From coaxing to pleading by the end, and Mrs. Raley bit her lip, before reaching out and stroking his hair.

“I do understand he’s very important to you, but Eli, I worried about you for hours. Town isn’t that far away on Toby, you could’ve come home to let me know where you were going to be. Is Ezra alright?” Her voice was gentle, almost the opposite of scolding, but it seemed to have the desired effect as Eli hung his head and nodded, muttering an apology. When the boy didn’t seem inclined to say anything else, Nathan cleared his throat slightly and gave Eli a serious, expectant look. For a second he thought he would keep silent, but then his lips opened again.

“Ma…I was gonna stay in town until I got a chance to talk to him…only…” Eli gulped, “after I knew he was in for the night…I was gonna stay until tomorrow.” There was a pronounced silence and Mrs. Raley stared at her son as though she couldn’t understand him, or possibly as though she didn’t recognize him. Nathan felt distinctly uncomfortable. Not that he’d been at ease before, but the urge to fade back into the shadows was mighty strong as the quiet stretched on.

“Go inside and get ready for bed, Eli. We’ll talk more when I come in.” Her voice was still quiet, still gentle, but as she turned her son by the shoulders and gave him a small push, Eli got without another word. Once the boy was inside, door shut behind him, she turned back to Nathan, “I hope Ezra is alright?”

“A might shook up, ma’am, but he’ll be alright.” Figuring it wasn’t fair for her to hear the bad and not the good, he continued, “Eli was actually a big help earlier on, let us know what was wrong and where he’d last seen Ezra.” It was only when her face softened that Nathan realized how tense it had been.

“That’s nice to know. Thank you.” Then she took a step back, drawing her shawl tight around her shoulders, and Nathan moved towards Brevit, saying a quiet goodnight and receiving a soft reply as he remounted and the woman returned to the house to talk to her son. 

*.*.*.*.*

JD fought a yawn as he stumbled back towards his room, eyes blurry with sleep and bladder a lot happier than it had been before his trip to the back of the boarding house. The light still being on in Ezra’s room, peeking out between the door and the floorboards, had his eyes scrunching together in confusion. He stared, then shuffled that way. Maybe Ezra had fallen asleep reading with the lights on, but maybe he’d woken up and couldn’t fall back asleep. When he got to the door there was another problem. It was closed, and JD grimaced as he pictured knocking on it and waking the kid up. Biting his lip, JD shifted from foot to foot, more awake now.

He should probably just got back to sleep, his room and a mattress and blankets to bury himself in were waiting. Only, his more awake eyes showed him that Buck’s door was ajar and there was a little light coming out from it too, and blinking to clear his sight, JD headed that way. He kept his footsteps slow, not wanting to wake Buck if he was asleep anymore than Ezra (or cranky old Mrs. Hill, who’d yell so everybody else would be awake and cranky too, JD knew from experience). Nobody was in Buck’s room, but the light was drifting over from Ezra’s anyway, the door that connected them hanging open, and with a yawn, even though he figured they’d probably just both fallen asleep in there, JD crept over to peek in, planning to go right back to sleep once he’d assured himself everything was alright.

Only for Buck, who was tucking blankets around a fast asleep Ezra, to look up at him the second his head bent around the doorway, surprised and then concerned as he patted the blanket covered lump and pushed himself to his feet.

“What are you still doin’ up, pard?” Buck crossed the room as JD shrugged, eyes moving over to Ezra and then back to Buck, who was smiling a little now. “He’s just fine, I promise.” JD rolled his eyes, because jeez, when had he said he was worried?

“I know.” He shrugged again. “But the light was on…” Buck, stepping back into his room now, caught JD about the shoulders, and to his utter embarrassment, pressed a very whiskery kiss to his forehead when he was close enough. “Buck! I’m not a baby!” Buck just laughed a little and shushed him, jerking his head back to the still open doorway behind them and starting to walk towards the hall, towing JD along with him for the journey.

“No, but as you tell me every time you’re angling for the last piece of pie, you’re still growin’, and sleep is pretty darn important for that.” Getting the message, even if he rolled his eyes again for good measure, JD nodded, opened his mouth to say goodnight and let out a jaw splitting yawn. “Yep, definitely time for some shut-eye, kid. I’ll see ya in the morning.” 

“Night, Buck.” Buck squeezed his shoulder before letting his hand drop, and resisting the urge to scrub at his eyes with a fist, because Buck already treated him like he wasn’t much older than Ezra half the time, he made his way down the hall to his own room. JD pretended not to notice Buck watching until he was all the way inside.

*.*.*.*.*.*

It was a quiet, tense discussion. Four men sat around the table, heads bent close together and voices low. The saloon was nearly deserted, only a traveler who seemed likely to disappear up the stairs with the girl he was talking to any minute and ‘ol Rudy’ Turner passed out where he sat, snoring; the sound of Inez banging pots and around as she cleaned up occasionally drifting out from the back.

As the tale, not long, but complicated, came to a close, Chris found himself with the attention of three sets of eyes. He bit back a sigh. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, he wished they didn’t always turn to him to make the decision, declare what was to be done. Josiah got the seeking advice, the soul searching, but when something had to be decided, they came to him.

Of course, the rest of the time he was damn glad they did, because for being capable, competent men, they could get into more trouble than the wildest pack of kids you’d ever meet.

Sighing, he shifted in his chair and then said quietly, resolutely, because it was the only thing that could be said with the guilty look on Josiah’s face and Nathan giving him soulful eyes, hoping Chris would know how to fix it, “Don’t see that it was anybody’s fault. Just bad timing.”

The shifting look on Nathan’s face told Chris he disagreed, and biting back a bit of frustration-what, did the man want him to blame him?-he listened to what he said to say. Surprisingly, Nathan’s words didn’t match his face, not directly anyway, “I just can’t get over Ezra thinking we were talking about him for so long. Hours. It should never have happened.”

Chris nodded. That was true enough. “Still.” That wasn’t quite enough, wasn’t exactly whatever Nathan had been looking for, but it settled him a little, the man leaning back in his chair with a small sigh.

“Reckon he’ll need a bit a spoilin’.” Vin’s voice was calm, but resolute, and got him a small chuckle from Josiah and a surprisingly firm nod from Nathan.

“Don’t know that I’d’ve put it the same way brother, but I reckon I agree with that. The child needs to be enfolded in our care until he can no longer doubt it.” With that Josiah, who was already a bit past tipsy, swallowed about half his beer. “On that note, I think an early night might aid me in that.” Pushing himself back from the table, the preacher wobbled just a bit as he got to his feet, waving off Nathan’s appraising eye.

“Thinking the hangover will be gone by the time Ezra drags himself out of bed?” Chris asked, voice dry, and had to chuckle at the grin and nod he got back.

“Exactly.”

*.*.*.*.*.*

“Don’t go eatin’ all the bacon, now,” Vin protested, swiping another slice off the platter before JD could grab them all. 

“You already had four pieces!” Vin responded by shoving the crispy piece of meat into his mouth all at once, JD’s glare belied by his twitching lips, but it didn’t keep him from smacking at the tracker’s shoulder.

“Knock it off.” Chris snagged his cup of coffee out of the way of the roughhousing and scowled. Vin grinned back, still chewing on bacon, and JD, much to Ezra’s amusement turned and offered him one of the slices out of his coveted pile. Despite already being nearly full, he accepted it with gracious thanks and then set it on the edge of his plate. The gesture was appreciated, but he didn’t _actually_ want to eat bacon that had been in anyone else’s hand. Besides, he was saving room for his last biscuit.

Looking around at the cheerful-mostly-chaos surrounding him, Ezra found he was not entirely sure how to cope with the excessive way his…he refused to allow his cheeks to color as he finished the thought…family was doting on him. Buck was on one side of him, JD on the other, and even those who rarely ate in the boarding house were either across from him or around the farther edges of the long bench seats. They were all but putting on a show. It was really, he thought as he spread preserves on the top of a biscuit, almost humorous, if it weren’t quite so discomfiting. In addition to his previous plans with Vin, he now had a fishing outing with JD in his future, and Chris had suggested a moment ago that Ezra might like the book he was finishing, ‘Rob Roy’ by Walter Scott and offered to loan it to him.

Of course, bringing up literature was always a risky subject around JD, and, bacon no longer a distraction, he scrambled in his jacket pocket for a, “Real wild, real exciting tale, Ez-I’m sure you’ll like it,” and pulled out his newest dime book. His description of it growing more colorful as he waved the book in the air, Ezra wasn’t surprised as the others started finishing their last mouthfuls and taking their leave. As JD started reciting from, “the most interesting part, his head nearly gets clean chopped off,” Ezra started eating his last bites of biscuit quicker himself. Apparently a grasp of grammar was not only unnecessary for a dime book, it was simply not allowed. It was the only possible explanation for the condition the tale had been allowed to be published in.

“The lead was flying thick, Ace Bandanna somersaulting through the air and landing without a scratch on him, and…”

*.*.*.*.*

Josiah walked down the street with a hand resting lightly on Ezra's shoulder, the hustle and bustle of the small town flowing smoothly around them-except for those who stopped to inquire about his young charge. Ezra seemed unsure whether to revel in or be mortified at the amount of attention he was receiving, and instead opted for his dignified gentleman routine. Which, Josiah stifled a chuckle, was always amusing, though he would never dream of telling the teen so.

Yes, things were certainly brighter this morning than they had been yesterday. He had plans to ask Ezra's opinion about several fundraising ideas he had in mind for the church's various projects. Redirecting his more avarice tendencies to something positive, as well as giving him the responsibility Josiah had a notion boys started to crave at this age, had long been a plan of the preacher’s, and today seemed the perfect time to do it.

Chris had let Buck off his patrols after yesterday, knowing he wanted to keep Ezra close. Then they'd gotten a telegraph about potential cattle rustlers to the east just after breakfast and there hadn’t been a choice. Buck had been needed, plain and simple; really they all had, but with his hip still playing him up a bit and no one liking the idea of leaving Ezra to his own devices after yesterday, Josiah had gladly stepped up to watch his young friend. It pleased him to have time with the boy, to restrengthen a bond that must've become a bit frayed for Ezra to believe what he had. Swallowing a frown, Josiah couldn't help but squeeze the shoulder beneath his hand, grinning at his charge when Ezra, busy with declaring that he could write a far better story than the dime novel JD had been regaling them with passages of at breakfast, nodded his head decisively to emphasize his conclusion. "I rather think you might. A bit more fun than writing compositions, too."

Ezra nodded, pleased, and Josiah supposed that when he had the boy for lessons tomorrow he might change the topic a bit. They were nearly to the church, Josiah turning them slightly to cut around to the back porch and the inviting patch of sun that warmed it this time of day, when another boy appeared, looking keenly around from the top of his horse, both anxious and eager. From the summary Nathan had given him early this morning, he wouldn't have expected Eli to be back in town so quick, but he stilled, turning Ezra's attention his friend's way.

There was a pause as they saw each other, and then Eli was reining his horse over to the nearest hitching post and Ezra was scurrying across the boardwalk. Then they were in front of each other, Josiah unable to help smiling at their nervous-mostly hidden on Ezra's part-hemming and hawing, neither quite sure what to say, but knowing they had to make the leap.

"I'm awful sorry!" "Ah truly apologize!" The two cries came in unison, and it was clear that neither boy had expected it from the other-Ezra was facing mostly away from him, but you could sense it in his stance, and he could _see_ Eli blinking confusedly.

"Eli, you did not do anything-"

"But I'm the one who found the snakes, and-"

"Ah was cruel-"

“Only ‘cause you were so upset, I know that.” Eli gave a half smile here, somehow genuine and uncertain in one and rocked back and forth on his heels.

“Ah still should not have said it, it was untrue and unkind, and if Ah could unsay it Ah would.” Ezra pleading for forgiveness he’d already won tugged at Josiah’s heart, but he made himself keep quiet for now, letting them finish working it out.

“I shoulda listened when you said maybe we shouldn’t,” Eli’s eyes darted over towards Josiah for a moment, guilty, “with the snakes.”

“And when you wanted to put the eggs back after we took them Ah should’ve acquiesced.” Josiah had to fight a snort as Ezra darted his own guilty glance back at him, obviously wondering if he should not have said that, before focusing back on his friend.

Eli shrugged, “Ma was mad, but it was my idea in the first place.” That, and it was at least slightly possible that his throwing that egg at JD had been revenge for that, whether Eli had thought about it in those terms or not. As touched as he found himself at the boys’ earnest apologies, Josiah was fairly certain that they would be keeping the peacekeepers on their toes for a long time. Also, that as the two were now smiling at each other, tentative at first, but growing wider by the second, if he wanted to interject a lesson now was the time to do it.

Clearing his throat expectantly, he waited for them to turn to him, and spoke just a bit solemnly, “It sounds to me like the two of you have a bit of a problem backing down when you think whatever mischief you're arranging will impress your best friend. You're forgetting, I think, that you like each other plenty just for being Eli and Ezra." Josiah looked meaningfully at each boy, who, to the preacher’s credit, both looked suitably impressed with this insight and then a bit sheepish. He smiled. "So, Eli, Ezra and I were going to discuss fundraisers for the church. Since the two of you are so talented at coming up with ideas together, maybe you’d like to join us? Put those creative minds to good use. When is your mother expecting you home?”

Quickly pulling out a battered pocket watch Josiah hadn’t noticed him carrying before, Eli, rambling a bit, informed them, “In about two hours, that’s when I gotta eat lunch and do afternoon chores and Ma said I can’t go out again after them this week.”

Josiah nodded, pleased that Nathan’s supposition that Mrs. Raley would be keeping a closer eye on her son seemed to be true, and started shepherding them along as Ezra wondered, curious, “Why is your mother making you stay home in the afternoons?”

“Well…”


	10. Chapter 10

Buck squinted down at the paper, chewing on the end of the pen, face screwed up in concentration. Then he yanked the pen out of his mouth, cussing quietly and wiping it on his shirt-JD had been awfully curious about why Buck needed to borrow a pen and ink, and a little reluctant to lend it to him. If it came back with his teeth marks on it he’d never hear the end of it. He sighed, reading over the paragraph he’d managed to squeeze out so far. It sounded alright enough. Earnest. He hoped.

_Dear Judge Travis,_

_I'm writing to you about a matter dear to my heart, and hoping you might be able to help me out. You probably remember that I've had a young cousin staying with me for a few months shy of a year now, Ezra is his name..._

_*.*.*.*.*_

"You got your canteen on you?" Ezra, eager to join Eli and Henry in their veritable rush out of town, made a face at Chris's question, the man's matter of fact tone making it clear that this was an obstacle he'd have to surpass.

"No, sir, but we're only venturing to the swimming hole, and there is no lack of water there." He finished with a winning smile, even as part of his mind was contemplating actually drinking the water that was still regularly filled with bodies despite the cooling weather and shuddering.

"You can go get your canteen and fill it first." With that, Chris turned back to helping unload the packages Miss Mary had ordered off the stage. Ezra held in a huff, knowing it would do the opposite of helping his cause. He could see Eli and Henry waiting at the end of the boardwalk, Eli just playing with something in his hands, but Henry was shifting from foot to foot, starting to get annoyed. They were close enough that he was likely able to hear their discussion as well, and he already put on airs about being older.

Besides, it was never a wise idea for Ezra to stay away too long when they were his companions, a fight was almost inevitable without him as a buffer and then they would _never_ get out of town. “But, Chris-”

“Ezra,” He said it mildly, but stopped what he was doing to turn back to him, and Ezra decided to cut his losses before he was not allowed to go at all.

“Alright, Ah suppose if it will give you peace of mind it is worth the trouble.” He made it clear in his tone that he was doing this to honor Chris’s wishes despite how absurd they were and got a raised eyebrow in response-but also a glimmer of amusement in the orb below it-and turned to hurry to the boarding house and back. He’d still have to go to the pump-Ezra halted mid-step as Chris’s hand came down on his shoulder, glancing around to see that Chris’s gaze was pointed down the boardwalk rather than on him.

“The other boys don’t mind waiting,” and raising his voice so it would carry easily to the end of the street, called out, “Do you?”

Eli’s lazy call of, “Nope!” as he tossed what Ezra was now fairly sure was a small ball back and forth was more reassuring than Henry’s silent shake of his head and half smile. Which, really, was only to be expected. Shooting a quick, but genuine smile at Chris, Ezra darted down the promenade as soon as the older man lifted his hand, a quiet chuckle following him.

*.*.*.*.*

Sitting, or in Eli’s case sprawled across, the church’s back porch in what had become their customary gathering spot, a meeting of the Four Corners Improvement Society was coming to an end as the sun began to drag itself lower in the sky. In the weeks they had been helping Josiah come up with ideas for the church, both Ezra and Eli had begun to consider themselves rather astute in the art of social planning. Alright, Ezra thought, taking a bite out of the shiny apple he’d just polished on his jacket, he had to concede that Eli probably would not phrase it that way. Still, socials, talent shows and every manner of event had been bandied back and forth, and while the preacher had put his foot down on the idea of charging out of town folks for coming to the as yet unheld church socials, his idea for a donations accepted sign for the (hopefully) upcoming talent show had been praised. Mrs. Travis was going to pen an article about it for the paper, and Ezra was _sure_ it would be a stunning success.

In the coming spring they might even have a game day, with contests and prizes, and while that had little to do with fundraising, Josiah had said it was community building and a worthwhile endeavor. Ezra took another bite of his apple, pulling his mind away from possible prizes-they might ask some of the local merchants to donate small things, and he hoped it was not considered passé for the organizers to participate-and back onto the matter at hand.

Currently, and partially to Ezra’s disgust-partially, because if it were not for the images of nails and paint parading past his mind’s eye as his friend spoke, Ezra would have been in full agreement that it was a marvelous idea-Eli was suggesting a work party, growing more and more animated as Josiah nodded along, seeming pleased. Really, it sounded just like a social, except that they would spend the beginning of the event working on the church, the town’s citizenry hopefully finding the allure of the feast to follow and cool drinks during reason to work and maybe even provide some supplies. Nothing truly appealed to Ezra in the same way as those plans that involved the making of actual currency, but it had been pointed out to him that very few of those who actually lived in the vicinity had an abundant source of that, and so exchanging like with like was far more inclined to draw a crowd. Being realistic was truly a tiring way to live, whatever other benefits it might hold.

Their greatest achievement by far, however, would take place the following week. A town picnic, with Albert Fenny and Mr. Johanson providing music. There was already discussion everywhere about who was bringing what delectable foodstuff, and if even a tenth of it was delivered on it would feed the entire town twice over. He simply couldn’t wait. Well, perhaps he could wait for the singalong his cousin had proposed, Ezra thought he might disappear for that portion of the festivities-but that didn’t change the fact that he felt sure it would be simply wonderful. There had been those who had doubted at the idea of their getting everyone to participate, but after the rousing success this was sure to be Hen- _those_ people would have to swallow their words.

Ezra had to admit, if only to himself, that he truly felt no astonishment that it had been one of his ideas that had become the most popular of their upcoming plans. It was only fitting.

*.*.*.*.*

Grinning, Buck made his way over the slightly grassy, mostly sandy, little shore to the log JD had helped him pull over earlier. Billy, chasing after little Callie Greengrass in a game of tag, ran right in front of him and the tall man had to pull himself short, shaking his head and chuckling softly at the little ones enthusiasm. It was a right nice day for a get together, the wide clearing by the swimming hole the perfect place for it-and after the last rain they’d had it was actually plenty deep enough for a swim, though with the mixed company no one but the children had even been in to wade. Finally making it to his resting place, Buck settled himself down and stretched out his legs. Looking over at both Ezra and Eli making nice to Josiah where he’d sat himself with some book he’d been reading bits of out loud, and the indulgent look on the preacher’s face, he thought that maybe the boys’ last minute plan for a bonfire later might actually happen. Yep, this had been exactly what they needed after all the hullabaloo last month, even if things did seem to have been settled down for awhile now.

Buck patted his pocket and ignored the twinge of nerves in his gut. Later, when the day was over and the time was right. Later.

*****

Ezra was not sure he cared for most of the excerpts that Josiah was sharing from Sir Sidney's Arcadia, but he was not entirely sure he did not care for them either. The language was rather beautiful, and flowed well, but he did not think much of any of the character’s sense. Possibly, it was the sort of volume one needed to read for themselves, needed to spend time lingering over the words and examining the character’s motives, or possibly it was that Josiah was choosing those passages that resonated closest to his own soul, and that it was different ones that would linger in Ezra’s mind.

Ezra liked that phrase, ‘resonated closest to his soul’. He’d heard Mrs. Potter use it, and thought it almost poetry, though she had been discussing nothing more interesting than her late husband’s favorite Psalms. If Ezra were going to select a volume of the Bible that he was least interested in, it would be Psalms.

Glancing over at Eli as Josiah paused in his oration, taking a breath, Ezra wasn’t sure whether he was amused or annoyed. The other boy had moved a while ago to stretch out on his stomach in the sparse greenery and appeared to be nearly asleep. Josiah thinking it would soon be close to the time for them to find their beds would not aid them at all in their quest to extend the picnic into a bonfire as evening descended. Cousin Buck had already said he was agreeable to their plan, but that at least a few other adults would need to be recruited and that if Eli’s mother didn’t stay then they had to get permission for him to spend the night in Ezra’s room. Ezra thought that that was a delightful addition and Eli thoroughly agreed.

Now they merely had to recruit said adults, and after a brief discussion had agreed that next to JD, who they weren’t entirely certain Buck would count as an adult, Josiah would be the easiest to bring around to their viewpoint. Eli falling asleep, and Ezra could hear him softly snoring now, *was* not part of the plan.

Though, actually, cocking his head as he thought and losing track entirely of the narrative, if he slept now, surely no one would be able to say that he hadn’t enough sleep to stay awake for a bonfire…

If it weren’t for the fact that he was certain it was the ham sandwiches and custard tarts Eli had eaten nearly a dozen of altogether causing his friend to snore Ezra would feel he owed him a compliment on his cleverness.

Ezra himself had eaten rather more than his usual, though he preferred the berry pie Mrs. Travis had provided to the custard. Shifting a little in the sand and saying a silent apology to his trouser seat, Ezra positioned himself so that he could lean against the side of the large rock that Josiah was using as a backrest. There was something extremely relaxing about sitting in the sun, feeling slightly overstuffed, and listening to a trusted companion’s voice speak beautiful words you weren’t quite paying attention to, becoming a soothing flow of sound by your ear. It was almost like a song.

Ezra decided right then and there that this was an experience he was going to take every opportunity to repeat.

Slowly, the combination of the sun, his full belly, Eli’s soft snores, and the deep drone of Josiah’s words worked its magic, and though at first Ezra tried to keep his eyes open-surely, it was undignified to slumber in public-he found that his body refused to listen to his orders, and eventually ceased to give them.

*.*.*.*

The sun had set and most of the people of Four Corners had headed back to town or to their respective farms and homesteads long ago. The crowd still sitting around the probably-a-little too-big bonfire, popping and crackling and making the night air nice and toasty, was in it for the long haul, or at least no one had headed off yet. Buck chuckled quietly to himself, once it had been revealed the boys had already gathered up enough dry wood for the bonfire all by themselves not a one of those they’d asked to ‘supervise the evening festivities’ had been able to say no. They’d just plain been too earnest and excited. Mrs. Potter had even let the twins stay, putting Josiah in charge of getting them home and leaving with Mary and Billy.

Right now all four were bugging Nathan for a ghost story, Josiah having let it slip that the healer could apparently spin quite a spooky one. Nate, who’d been planning to head back right around the time Josiah had spilled the beans, was kinda grumbly, but he’d yet to actually say no which more than likely meant he’d start any second now. How could he not with all four of them turning puppy eyes up at him?

Shifting a little back as an ember popped and flew too close to his new neckerchief, Buck’s gaze lingered on his cousin, cajoling smile on his face as he sweet talked Nathan. His hand came up and patted absently over where he had two letters tucked safely into the inside pocket of his coat. One was his latest reply from the Judge. The other, more delicate script across the top, that had come tucked inside the Judge’s, was for Ezra.

Smiling as Ezra threw back his head and laughed from some quip Nathan had just thrown at him, Buck let his hand fall to his lap. It could wait. It could wait.


End file.
